Chimney Sweeps & Blessings

We had some chimney cleaners out to look at our chimney this afternoon. They were supposed to clean it out, but found out when they got here that it’s next to impossible to clean. It’s due to the way the fire place insert was installed. I have no idea who installed it or what year it was put in, but it’s got this little twist & turn in the pipe that makes it next to impossible to clean. They also said we have creosote buildup, which we’re going to treat chemically. If the creosote is left untreated, it can cause a flue fire.

So… it wasn’t the news I wanted to hear, but it didn’t cost us any money today. The guy did say that the unit we have is a really good one, so that was a plus. And it does put out a lot of heat... which helps save on the gas bill in the winter.

Anyhow... I will have to go and buy the chemical to spray into the fireplace every day (to loosen up the creosote buildup & make it fall down), and then they will come back in a month to sweep down all the junk and vacuum it out with a very high-powered vacuum. They will have to vacuum it because of the way the insert was installed, which does not allow the junk to fall down inside the fireplace.

Our other option is to install a new liner. It sounds like the best and safest option, but it’s pricey. It would cost us almost $1,000 PLUS they will have to re-mortar around our insert once they re-install it. So that would be an extra charge. I really don’t know how much the final bill would be, but I DO know that we don’t have the money for that right now. I can only hope and pray that we will be able to afford to do it over the summer.

So… add that to the fact that our house could probably use new windows and storm doors to make it more energy-efficient. The house also really needs to be painted, and it won’t be very many more years before we’ll have to have a new roof... and we want to finish out the privacy fence and put some kind of fencing around the front yard. I think that any house could turn in to a money pit if it were allowed to become one. The needs have to be taken care of first, of course... but I believe that God will provide for them when the time is right.

I’m not sure I’m excited about any of this repair/maintenance stuff… And as expensive as all of it sounds, I sure do love living in my very own house. It’s big and it's beautiful and, and it’s everything I’ve always wanted… and I just have to thank God for every day I get to spend in it with my family! I feel truly blessed!

I became a firefighter today!

Early this afternoon, I dumped out a bucket of ashes that had been sitting on my back patio since Tuesday. I really thought there were no coals left in it, but I guess I was wrong!

At 4:45, the first parent arrived to pick up his little boy (I babysit 2 kids)… About a minute after he came in, I saw someone walk up on the front porch, fling open the storm door and burst right into my house! That in itself nearly scared me to death!! But then he yelled, “Your house is on fire in the back!”

Ok. Now I'm scared. My heart started to pound in my throat!

I ran for the back door, and outside there was a fire between my outbuilding & the fence. Apparently I had caught the leaves on fire. OH DEAR!!

Dave (the dad of the kids I babysit) runs out right behind me, and we grab a water hose. A woman I’ve never seen before in my life ran around from the front of the house with my other water hose, and I ran inside to call 9-1-1 just in case it was too out of control…

The dad of one of my Brownies (a fireman) drove up behind the fence. He asked how I was doing today, and I said that apparently I must be scatterbrained and just didn’t know it!

While I was outside helping put out the fire, the other dad came to pick up the little girl. Why didn't it occur to me that I had left my 7-year-old inside the house alone with his 1-yr-old & my 2-yr-old? I don't even know. Thank goodness she kept them inside and out of harm's way, but poor Jenna was really scared. So one of the firemen (a really cute one, I might add!) kept talking to her, and I think his calmness helped.

Soooo.... All is well. The fire was put out easily, and we dug through the leaves and made sure everything in the area was thoroughly saturated. I am so thankful that it was only that small spot, but it still really worried me!! I thought it was going to get the outbuilding that we keep gas & lawn mowers in (which I was prepared to move out quickly!)… but it didn’t hurt it at all. All it really did was clear out the fence row… which really needed done, but that wasn't how I was planning to do it! ;-)

Thank the Lord for those people who stopped to tell me and to help!! Otherwise, I might not have known there was a fire until it traveled to my neighbor’s house!! I wish I knew who the guy was so I could thank him, but I couldn't even tell you the first thing about what he looked like. (So much for my training as a bank teller where they teach you how to remember what the bank robber looked like! LOL!)

I’m so thankful it was not windy today, as it could have spread to the woods or to the house beside me. And I am incredibly grateful that my house and my family are both still intact.

The whole ordeal only lasted about 30 minutes, and my heart is still racing!!

I went to a Stamp Club meeting tonight, and I was the first to finish all my projects... I am still feeling such an adrenaline rush.

Ant Heaven

A couple of weeks ago, I saw an ant on the kitchen counter and I squished it. No big deal to me because I do that occasionally...

Jenna (who's 2 1/2) asked where the ant went, and I told her I sent it to "Ant Heaven." She was fine with that answer.

I've been babysitting a little boy who's 3 1/2, and he piped up with, "Jenna, do you know where Ant Heaven is? It's way, way, way, far away from here. It's in California."

I had no idea that Ant Heaven was in California. I think I learned something new that day... ;)

Funny about underwear

My hubby left out on the truck last night... He must have left right after I went to sleep because I didn't know he was gone til I woke up this morning! I had told him he needed to get his stuff out of the dryer before he left, but he forgot... so I woke up to a dryer full of his underwear and socks! Oops!!

I called him this morning to make sure he knew he didn' t have it packed, and let him know he may need to stop by a store to pick up a package... But thankfully he has enough in the truck to get him by since he will be back for Thanksgiving! I had really thought I had over-bought, but I guess when you spend most of your life in a big truck, too much underwear can be a good thing. LOL!

Well... I decided that I'll be better able to weed out anything with holes in it if it's here at home anyhow... He will wear it until it's falling apart, so I'm sure some of it needs replaced!

Then, this morning I discovered a hole in my underwear I was wearing. By the time I discovered it, I had stuck my thumb in it and ripped off half the waistband. LOL! I was so glad I was at home when it happened!

I think we're both getting underwear in our Christmas stockings this year.

And by the way... you'll be happy to know that I decided to buy myself a couple of new pairs of undies tonight while I was at Wal-Mart! ;-)

Confirmation--It's a great thing!

Sometimes I feel like I'm going about this parenting thing all wrong. I'm sure everyone feels that way sometimes!

Tonight, I went to a parent/teacher conference with my first-grade daughter's teacher. She's a wonderful lady, and I knew I liked her the first time I met her. :) She has been teaching for years, and she seems very calm and patient and loving toward the kids.

Well... I went into the room, half expecting to hear something about how Delaney doesn't pay attention. But she must save all that for home. LOL! The first thing that Mrs. J. said was, "I absolutely love having Delaney in my room. She is such a joy!" I immediately teared up, nodding my head in agreement. (I cry--it's just what I do!) She went on with, "She is absolutely the salt and light in the room." Now I'm trying to blot my eyes with a tissue so that my mascara doesn't run.... after all, I had put it on just for this, so I wanted it to last longer than 20 minutes!

Mrs. J said that she was reading a story to the class last week in which there was a little animal lost in the dark, and he was scared and alone. Delaney piped up and said, "Well! He doesn't need to be scared because Jesus is always there with him, and He will protect him!" That's it. I'm crying now. Yeah, I'm a little emotional... lol

She says a lot of things like that, according to her teacher. I can't even explain how proud that made me feel. I love when I get that little confirmation that what I'm doing with my kids IS the right thing. I know that she's getting a good foundation in her faith in God, but it's so good to hear that coming out in her.

Of course, at the conference we talked about her work a little too... she's at an accelerated reading level, and she gets to see the Discovery (gifted & talented) teacher a little more than the other kids in the class (they all go in 1st grade). She's missing a few math problems on occasion because of carelessness... so I probably need to talk with her again about paying attention before she writes down her answers.

I am so proud of my little girl. I've always known that she was put here for a special purpose... I can't wait to find out what God has in store for her.

Jenna's little incident~stitches in her eyebrow!

Last night the girls & I were at my parents' house visiting with my mom, and we had just put away the toys and gotten ready to come back home... Jenna took off running across the living room, tripped, and fell face-first into the corner of their cast iron wood stove.

I picked her up, expecting to see a scratch or a bruise--she falls all the time. But it was more than a scratch. She was screaming, and I suddenly had blood all over my shirt and she had it all over her hands. My mom ran for a washcloth, and I ran to the car, hollering at them to hurry up! Apparently Delaney couldn't find her shoes, and it probably took them a full minute to get out the door. To me, it was ten minutes. my baby was bleeding, and I couldn't even see her cut for the blood.

We got to the emergency room, and we ONLY had to wait 4 hours. Ugh. You would think people could visit for an emergency, but I guess not! Everyone else in there looked perfectly fine compared to my sweet little angel and her bleeding eyebrow! Everyone was commenting and asking us what happened to her.

We got to the ER at 9:00 pm, and at about 1 am, the doctor finally got to see us. He was extremely nice, and I really appreciated the bedside manner of both him and the nurse who helped. So I certainly couldn't complian about waiting for him. We had to wrap Jenna in a bed sheet to keep her arms down while he gave her a shot and sewed up her eye. I think she has 6 stitches. I was having a hard time counting while trying to keep her calm. The doctor worked fast, and he was great with her.

Delaney cried. I think my mom did, too. I couldn't even think of crying--I just had to concentrate on holding my baby down!

Here is a photo of Jenna last night. She went to sleep as soon as she was in the car. The pressure dressing is wrapped around her head to keep the swelling down.

And here she is this morning, with the pressure dressing off. (Sorry for the bad pic quality--I hate my current digital because it's moody!)

She was telling me that her eye was sore this morning, so I showed her in the mirror what she looked like. She looked at herself really strange and said, "Mommy! What happen my eye!?" Poor baby! I don't know if she forgot that she fell and hurt herself. I only hope that she won't have a scar to have to remember it by!

By the way... she DOES look MUCH better as the day goes on. There is almost no swelling, and she hasn't said anything else about it. In fact, she has been dancing around and acting like Jenna. Right now she is talking to her granny on her toy phone.

I know she will be fine, but I would still appreciate prayers for no scars and no infection! I have to take her back in a week to get the stitches out.

Oh, and by the way... Delaney is almost 7 and Jenna is 2 1/2, and this is the FIRST time we have been to the ER for anything. In fact, we have probably only been to the doctor for a "sick" visit 3 or 4 times. We have been very blessed!

A to Z About Me! :)

1. A is for age:
32 (33 in a couple of weeks! I'm getting old! LOL!)

2. B is for your best friend:
My husband, Mike

3. C is for career :
Stay-at-home mom--the best job in the world! :)

4. D is for your dog's name:
Don't have a dog right now... our last one was Rusty.

5. E is for essential item you use everyday:
Toothpaste! lol

6.F is for favorite show at the moment:
Grey's Anatomy

7. G is for favorite game:
Scrabble or Solitaire

8. H is for Home town:
Siloam Springs (Go Panthers!)

9. I is for instruments you play.
Piano (I'm by no means a pro!)... used to play flute

10. J is for favorite juice:
Apple

11. K is for whose ass you'd like to kick:
LOL... I'm not really that type, but I could think of one or two that probably need it.

12. L is for last place you ate:
Popeye's

13. M is for marriage:
Loving every minute of it! :)

14. N is for your full name:
Stacy Michelle (Smith) Bishop

15. O is for overnight hospital stays:
First time~I was pregnant with our older daughter, and I had a kidney infection
Second time~Had 1st daughter
Third time~Had 2nd daughter

16. P is for people you were with today:
My girls!

17. Q is for quote:
"There's a skinny woman inside me screaming to get out. I can usually shut her up with chocolate!" :-)

18. R is for Biggest Regret:
Hmmm... those things happened before I got married, and I'd rather just forget them & move on! :)

19. S is for status:
Happily Married!

20. T is for time you woke up today:
6 am

21. U is for underwear you have on now:
LOL... Yes, I'm wearing them! I think that's enough info. ;-)

22. V is for vegetable you love:
I love most veggies... just not brussel sprouts!

23. W is for worst habit:
I bite my fingernails

24. X is for x-rays you've had:
Just one~my back. Had a fractured vertebrae! Not fun!

25. Y is for yummy food you ate today:
I've been sick this week... so the grilled cheese I had for lunch was about the ONLY thing I had today!

26. Z is for your zodiac sign:
Libra

What's luck got to do with it?

As far as I'm concerned, luck doesn't even exist in this situation. When Mike called me at 10:45 pm on August 22nd to tell me he had a wreck, all I could do was stop and pray. I had to thank God for saving my husband!

The trailer full of cattle should have turned over. But the truck jackknifed in a way that the trailer came to rest on the frame of the truck instead. Thank the Lord. If that truck had turned over, it could have killed all the cattle he was carrying--as well as my husband.

When he took me to the body shop to see the truck, he thought I was going to flip out. I didn't. I think he thought I was nuts because I said all I can do right now is just thank God that you're alive!

So, for those who want to see what it looks like when a semi meets a herd of cattle in the middle of the highway in the dark... here are a couple of photos. This is what $42,000 worth of damage looks like, just in case you ever wondered...

Update on Mike's wreck

I talked to Mike tonight, and the axle finally made it to the body shop where the rest of the truck is. Apparently it got there Wednesday, and he just hadn't told me! Men. lol!

Anyhow... the estimate to repair the truck is $42K. We only paid $25K for the truck, and we have it insured for $30K... Interesting, huh? So, will we get $30K? Will we get anything? I think we'll be lucky to get what we gave for the truck, but I feel like we deserve the full $42K plus 2 weeks' pay!! This has been such a mess. But I am trying (really hard!) not to walk around with the feeling that somebody owes me something.

I'm going to probably go to OKCity (about a 3-hr trip) on Tuesday to get Mike & clean out the Kenworth--there is a lot of paperwork and lots of his stuff still in it. And then we're off to buy another truck. We even have one picked out--it has a fresh overhaul, and it's even close to home!

This has been such a merry-go-round... and not one of those fun kind with all the pretty horses!! I am SO ready for all of this to be over with so that we can move on with our on little version of "normal...

Things I've learned since having children

* That a child will keep bugging you until you give in and give her what she asked for in the first place. (Please? Please? Pretty please?)

* That when two children take a bath together they can splash every last drop of water out of the bathtub. My two can soak the floor faster than I can get their hair washed.

* That kids always take their naps at the time of day that you need to do something outside the house.

* That spiders can appear out of nowhere and make a child scream a shrill scream, loud enough that it could wake the people on the other side of town.

* That childbirth doesn’t hurt like people go on about it. People talk about giving birth like it is the worst pain on earth. (However, having all 4 wisdom teeth pulled at the same time may possibly be in that category.)

* That when your child hurts, so do you… possibly even more. And when her feelings get hurt, mom's ready to fight for her.

* That an airplane, a helicopter, a train or any vehicle with lights and a siren is considered entertainment.

* That it’s so much fun to blow bubbles inside the house! :-)

* That washing, brushing and fixing someone else’s hair isn’t as easy as the hair stylists make it look.

* That discipline can be so hard!

* That I would be scheduling my own activities around the activities of my children.

* That it’s really, really fun to remove all the couch cushions so that you can jump on the springy part underneath.

* That they would pick up my lack of neatness! (oops!)


*That just because I stay at home with my kids, people seem to think I have all the time in the world to do whatever I want.

* That being a mom is the best job on earth!

* That children are the most rewarding gift I could ever be given!!

Mike had an accident~the Kenworth is totaled

I'm finding myself with a jumble of thoughts inside my head... so I can only pray that they have made thier way out in such a way that they will make sense!

Mike had an accident last week, and our Kenworth is totaled... Thank God that my husband is ok. He came so close to so many different things happening that would have killed him or seriously injured him. Angels were definitely with him!!

The accident was last Wednesday night (August 22nd). He called me just befor 11 pm, right after I had drifted off to sleep. I was barely coherent until he started talking about screeching tires and the trailer nearly turning over. That caught my attention enough to wake me up. I was scared to death... all I could do was pray until I fell back to sleep. But I know I didn't sleep much that night.

Seems that a farmer had left his gate open (or someone knocked it open--it's still not completely clear)... there were several cows in the road--black ones, and it was pitch dark. Mike didn't see them until he got close enough that he couldn't stop.

Mike said that he skidded sideways down the highway & the trailer jackknifed. He plowed down a line of trees. The truck's fenders are gone, and the hood is all smashed up. The front axle came out from underneath the truck. I told him I wanted to see pictures of it (our insurance company requires pictures, so I had wanted to see them too)... he didn't want me to see them. It must be worse than he is telling me.

He told me that the truck finally stopped just before it hit "the biggest tree in Texas", in his words... he said he knew he would have been dead if he'd hit that tree. He said that he kept seeing the trailer teetering in his rear view mirror, but somehow it didn't flip over... that would have caused the tractor to flip over as well, quite possibly killing him.

He had a trailer load of cattle, and amazingly, none of them were injured. They were really tossed around, and they made the trailer teeter again when they all stood back up.

Twelve of the farmer's cows died that night on the highway. Seven of them were killed by our truck. One was killed by a pickup coming from the other direction. Four were injured badly enough that they had to be shot at the scene. So sad. And it could have been prevented if someone had just paid attention to the gate.

All of this has really made me question our very existence and what we're doing with our lives... but Mike doesn't seem to be affected in quite the same way. I pray. I thank God for his protection, and I ask Him to place angels on guard. Mike gets on the phone. He looks for another truck online. For him, it's like life just goes on. You get right back on the horse. He and I are so different. Very different. Sometimes enough that we seem to have nothing at all in common.

We're still waiting for insurance to come back with an amount because they're waiting on the axle (which came out from under the truck) to be shipped to where the rest of the truck was towed. It's ridiculous that it should take over a week, but that's what they're waiting on. I guess I could go get it myself, but I'm pretty sure it wouldn't fit in the back of my minivan. I'd have to rent a dually truck & a lowboy trailer. I don't see that happening, but it's pretty tempting.

When will this ever end? It seems like we have one bad spell after another... Why can't things just work out like we want them to once in a while? I take it to heart, letting myself believe that we somehow deserve this disastrous occurrence. I know better. God has seen us through so much. He's certainly not going to give up now. As long as I keep the faith. I have to believe. I must believe.

I am a believer that all things happen for a reason. I may never know the reason, but I know that God has a plan. It is obvious to be that He is not finished with my husband. He could have easily died that night, but he is still with me. He knows that my girls need a daddy and I need a husband. There is a reason. He has a plan. Thank God for his divine plan.

Choosing Thankfulness

I'm enrolled in a Sunday School class at our church where we're studying the First Place book about thankfulness.

First place is a program that I'm doing along with the others in the class where we choose to change our diet to be healthier. We started it last Sunday, and I've already lost 2 pounds in one week! My goal weight is now only 38 pounds away. Yippee! :-D If this keeps up, I could lose up to 26 pounds by the time our Sunday school quarter is up! That would be awesome. I'm really hoping to set some healthy habits that will last, for myself and for my children!

Back to the thankfulness part... We've been challenged to write down 5 things each morning & 5 things each evening for which we are thankful. There have already been days it's been pretty hard!

I figured I might share tonight's list, hoping that it might trigger a few more thankful thoughts. :)

Tonight, I am thankful to the Lord for:

* air conditioning (especially since it was 102 degrees today!)
* children who go to sleep easily and sleep all night
* my husband, and that he has a job that supports our family (even if it is a tight budget, we still have food to eat & a roof over our heads!)
* my church family (I'd be LOST without them!)
* my health, and the health of each of my children & my husband. I pray that we will always be healthy.

~Stacy

Never dull

Delaney stayed with my niece last night, who had sleepover... so Delaney is wanting to do the same before school starts. LOL... I am not sure I'm ready for more than one guest at a time! My sister-in-law must truly be brave.

It's just been me & Jenna this morning, and there's been no lack of activity. I feel like I have chased her constantly! She gets into EVERYTHING she can reach. And if she can't reach it, she will just push a dining room chair across the floor! I think I have my work cut out for me with that little monkey.

There is never a dull moment as long as Jenna is around. If it ever gets quiet in the house, it's a good idea to hunt down the quiet... 'cause you never know what you'll find!!

Where did the summer go?

School starts for my first-grader (yes, it's hard to believe that she's that old!) on August 20th. That's only 10 days from now! Where did the summer go?

We have hardly done anything all summer... it's not that we didn't want to, but that we couldn't afford to!

Mike has been working all the time, trying to get us caught up on all the bills we got behind on from such a bad winter & spring. But it doesn't seem to be working fast enough. Before we know it, winter will be here again... then it all starts over again. All I can do is pray that God will provide the jobs, and that the truck stays in good shape to take them.

The girls & I went to Branson with my mom for two nights...We spent the most of three days shopping and doing fun things. Delaney refers to this as her "vacation." It was really nice.

It's been so hot out thatI haven't wanted to be outside! My girls haven't spent a lot of time outside because I have such a fear of heat exhaustion. When it's near 100 degrees, I much prefer to keep my babies inside. Maybe that makes me crazy, but I am what I am...

I am looking forward to the start of school, but I'm not at the same time. Delaney is ready, but Jenna won't like having big sis out of the house every day, all day long. I am going to babysit two kids during the school year though, so hopefully Jenna won't miss her as much with someone else around to play with!

Car troubles~Time to trade? Ugh.

Last Thursday I took my van (a 2006 Caravan—not even old enough to have problems!) into the dealership because it had a little shimmy. Nothing big, but I was afraid something was wrong with the brakes because it was doing it when I took off from a complete stop.
They told me that they had a “bulletin” on it, and they “fixed” it by re-routing the power steering line.

Yesterday we drove to Springdale to get parts for the Kenworth. On the way back home, we stopped at a stoplight. We noticed a horrible smell, and there was a huge puff of smoke when we took off. I managed to pull over, and there was NO power steering. I knew right then that somebody had messed up!

I called the dealership that had “fixed” it on Thursday, and they brought us a different van. They also took my van to their shop. The guy who came after it was one of their mechanics, and he found the problem immediately. He said they had used a different kind of clamp that wasn’t holding… so the hose had slipped off the power steering pump. All that smoke was actually steam—it was the fluid blowing all over the place, creating a steam when it hit the hot parts under the van.

On the way back to town, we were inspecting the van. It was a Chrysler Town & Country, a bit bigger than my Caravan, a year newer… had more miles & the check-engine light was on. It also wasn’t nearly as nice as our van. So we decided to cruise through the dealership to see what they had! LOL!

We found a really nice Chrysler Pacifica that we both fell in love with. I’m still not sure if we’re going to get it. We haven’t really made the deal yet, but we tried a little last night. In fact, we spent most of our day at the dealership yesterday!

This is the car we should have bought to begin with. We both loved them, and Mike hated the idea of a van. I begged for a van. Why? I dunno. LOL! He will actually DRIVE the Pacifica. He has driven the van to the donut shop across town twice since we have had it (and we’ve had it since Dec 05!). And he only drove then because he really wanted donuts. LOL!!

Trading cars is so frustrating. They want to give you about half of what your car is worth for trade-in, and then they want you to pay more than what the other one is worth for their car. Ugh. I thought we had reached some decent numbers by the time we left last night… We’ll see what happens today. We may be driving a new (well, different! It’s a 2005) vehicle by the end of the day… or maybe not!

Only problem I see with the Pacifica? It's not red. I love red. I'd choose red over anything else. Always. ;)

Tooth Fairy Update (

Saturday, July 28th
The tooth fairy managed to redeem herself... Remembered to leave a dollar under Delaney's pillow. Thank goodness! :) I thought I might have to hunt her down. lol

When Delaney got up the next morning, she was excited to find the dollar... She did ask me if I needed to borrow it. Ha ha... Poor kid! Obviously she hears much more than she needs to. I told her she can do whatever she wanted to with it, so she put it in the offering plate at church.

She's a pretty good kid, that Delaney. Most of the time. ;-)

The Tooth Fairy is in BIG Trouble!

Oh boy... the tooth fairy has really messed up!

Delaney lost a tooth yesterday... Last night she put it under her pillow, fully expecting a dollar from the Tooth Fairy. (I know this because she asked me if I needed to borrow her dollar—poor kid!)

So, she woke me up this morning at 7:15 am. She NEVER gets up that early!! She was whining, and said the Tooth Fairy didn’t come!

Well… knowing I had to say something smooth, I told her that she probably went to bed too late. I mean, doesn’t everybody know that that Tooth Fairy comes BEFORE 10:30 pm?? ;-)

All I know is that she'd better go to bed earlier tonight ‘cause I told her that the Tooth Fairy probably stops coming before 10!

And that darn Tooth Fairy had better get her act together!

Preparing for a new season

This is pretty personal, but I'm going to go ahead & post it anyhow...

I try to take my kids' clothes from the previous year to a store to sell them... This helps tremendously to get some money to buy clothes for the current season/year. Most of my kids' clothes either come from consignment/resale stores or clearance racks.

Well... I've decided that I'm going to go ahead & sell my maternity clothes this time, too. I am finding myself very reluctant about doing it. I am just not sure I'm ready to end that season of my life. I feel like it's a statement--like I'm saying that I'm done, that I don't want any more kids. But that's simply not true.

We're at a point in our lives right now that my husband and I feel that it would be irresponsible of us to have another baby when we can barely afford the two children we have. We know we are blessed to have two healthy little girls, but I can't help but want another. But right now is not the time.

I'm thinking about making an appointment with my ob/gyn to get a semi-permanent form of birth control that lasts 5 years. Not completely permanent because emotionally, I just can't handle that right now--maybe not ever... and because our lives could change in a couple of years. I just can't give up the prospect of one more.

Almost everyone around me has 3 or 4 kids. I look at them and wonder how they do it. I have no clue. I just know I want what they have, but I feel like it's wrong for me to want something we really can't afford to take care of.

I'm sure there are other people out there like me... I know that I'm surely not alone. But right now, I feel pretty alone in this season of my life. :(

I may never again experience that excitement of knowing there is a baby growing inside me... feel that first little kick or hear that baby cry. Never see another child take her first steps or hear her say her first word. But I'm thankful to have had the privilege twice. And that is twice more than some will know that joy.

Jenna pottied in the potty!

Every morning we get up, and I ask Jenna if she wants to try big-girl panties today. This morning, she pulled them out & put them on.

Now, I know she just turned 2 in April... and maybe I'm jumping the gun (Delaney potty trained much later than this!). But I am trying to let her decide on her own. I don't want to push her!

After wearing her big-girl training panties for about an hour, she went in and sat on the potty. She must have gotten excited because she stood up and peed all over the potty and the floor. LOL! There was a little in the potty, but not as much as on the floor... At least she tried, and she knows where she is supposed to go.

She just went outside to play with her sister. Hopefully she won't potty all over herself outside! lol! I'll try to ask her about every 15 minutes, then sit her on the potty about once an hour.

Wish me luck... it's been 4 1/2 years since Delaney was 2, so I feel little out of practice. ;-)

I am so frustrated--A VENT about church & my parents

I just need to vent. So, please don’t take anything personally that you are about to read. I am just REALLY MAD, and I need to get it out of my system before I scream.

On Sunday nights at our church, we don’t have nursery or kids classes. The kids go into the regular church service.

My kids are 6 and 2. They are not adults, and I really don’t expect them to act like such. Normally we don’t go to Sunday night service because they are kids, and the just can’t be quiet or still. Tonight was no different, as I decided to try it again. I think it was a mistake.

Things were fine for the first few minutes. We were singing… Delaney sang along, and Jenna clapped her hands.

As soon as the pastor started preaching his message, my sweet children turned into little heathens. Jenna ate her snack and drank her juice pretty quick, then started playing with her baby doll… Delaney decided to start taking things away from her, and Jenna screamed--several times. Ugh.

And here’s the best part… My parents were sitting right next to the kids too, and my dad looks over at me with his evil eye. I don’t know exactly what he expected me to do, but it made me feel about 2 inches tall. I HATE that feeling. It’s how he’s made me feel my entire life--like I don’t have a handle on anything.

My parents are those people who expected miracles from me, but got nothing they expected. I am merely a housewife who didn’t finish college. I married a man who became a truck driver. They seem to dislike everything about my life, who I am and what I do. Whether they actually think that, I have no clue… but it’s certainly how they make me feel. They’re always telling me what a wonderful job my brother has and how much money he makes and how wonderful things are at their house. It’s like they’re comparing us all the time, and I NEVER measure up. Never. I try SO hard to let it all go, but it only makes me more jealous. And then they wonder why I feel that way.

These are the same parents who say that my kids really need to learn how to act in church, and that they won’t learn if I don’t bring them… and yet they want to complain about the way they act when I do bring them. See? I absolutely cannot win, even if I try!

Anyhow… when the church service was over, I packed up the girls’ stuff, and we darted out to the van. I hardly said a word to anyone. I just wanted to crawl under a pew and hide, honestly. I was just ready to get out of there.

And now I get an e-mail from my mom, saying she wants Delaney to spend the night one night this week… she said some one-on-one time might be good for her. It’s so lovely of her to suggest in her “subtle” way that I’m not spending enough time with Delaney. Don’t ya think? Grrr…

I am so tired of my parents telling me that I NEED a husband and my kids NEED a dad. We have one. It just happens that he works all the time and isn’t home. I don’t have the dream life, and they have a problem with it. IT IS NOT MY FAULT!!! None of it is my fault. So, why do I feel like it’s all my fault?

I feel so frustrated and angry right now that I can’t even answer my mom’s e-mail! I can’t call either--I’m so worried that if I call them I’ll just tell them off. I don’t want to go that route. So I suppose I’ll just sweep it under the rug and pretend that it never happened. Just like the last two hundred and fifty-seven times this sort of thing has happened. :(

My mom & I took the girls shopping tonight... When we got back home the kids were exhausted. They came right in and put their jammies on, then they laid down in my bed. After about 5 minutes of giggles, both were sound asleep.

I had to move them both to their own beds. I'd swear they have both been eating lead. It's just too hard to sleep with Delaney, or I might have left them. She kicks, and she makes me feel really hot. And she weighs 63 pounds, so now that I've moved her, I wonder if I need to make an appointment with my chiropractor. LOL!

Never a Dull Moment

Yesterday evening, we were all sitting in the living room watching "Deadliest Catch" on tv when we heard screaming. It scared me to death, and I ran straight to the window to see what was up.

The first thing I saw was the little girl who was screaming. She was standing next to her mommy, who was face down on the ground with her hands cuffed behind her back.

I was so engulfed in the little girl's screaming that I almost didn't notice the men standing next to the street wearing camo and toting machine guns. Yes, I said machine guns. I saw four of them. I tried to keep my cool and usher my children back to the living room to finish our tv show. They wanted to plaster themselves to the front windows instead.

It turns out that the taco stand that's been parking at the package store across the street is selling drugs. And apparently lotsof them--there were 3 grocery sacks laid out on the table that I assumed were the drugs & not Mexican takeout.

And the guys with machine guns? I still don't have any idea why they were there. But one of the guys in the taco stand darted off before they could catch him, so maybe they were looking for him?

I've never been to that taco stand, but I've thought more than once that it smelled pretty good. I've never walked across the street to the store, but I've thought about it when I needed milk. I've also very rarely seen a police officer drive in front of my house... but last night there were 7 right across the street, as well as a van full of armed men and some other unmarked SUVs and pickups that I couldn't identify.

The taco stand trailer left behind a police vehicle last night, and my husband smarted off and asked if I wanted to go to the Delaware County auction and buy it. I think not.

I had never seen anything like this before except on TV. It got me to wondering if we might see ourselves on COPS in the near future... ha ha.

That's the excitement at our house for the week. Hopefully it's over for a while... Seems we can't get a dull moment around here!

The Battery Thief

Yesterday I took a pack of batteries in my bedroom to put some batteries in a flashlight for Mike. I used 3 of the batteries, and there were 6 left in the package. I laid it on my bathroom counter (which is outside the bathroom, in my bedroom).

Last night I noticed that the batteries were gone. Hmmm... Very curious! We racked our brains and searched last night and this morning for the batteries, hoping that Jenna wouldn't find them and put them in her mouth.

I told Mike that I was nearly convinced that someone had taken them (you know, like that troll that lives in the attic and makes the funny noises at night... and no, I haven't taken up drinking. lol!). I didn't feel like the kids would have left the empty package on the counter. They would have more likely thrown it on the floor or taken it with them!

I started to wonder if they had been flushed down the toilet. I was starting to feel battery-obsessed!

Then I decided to ask Jenna if she knew where they were. She kept saying no, and went looking through drawers and cabinets with me. Then finally she brought me her purse, unzipped it, and proceded to hand me 6 batteries, one at a time.

So, this story does have a happy ending, as the mystery of the battery thief has been solved. :)

"Stacy-Ology" ~ Blog Challenge

Stacy-ology

ARCHAEOLOGY: the study of material remains
What's the oldest article of clothing you still wear? I have a couple of t-shirts that are about 6 yrs old that I still wear.
What's the oldest article of clothing you won't get rid of? The outfits that my babies came home from the hospital in.
When was the house/building you live in built? 1977
What in your fridge needs to be thrown out? Some leftovers from last week!

BIBLIOLOGY: the study of publication
What are you reading? I just started Praying God's Word by Beth Moore
Do you have a favorite quote? "Love doesn't make the world go 'round. Love is what makes the ride worthwhile" ~Franklin P. Jones
What's the most recent music you purchased? Last thing was probably a MercyMe cd.
What book could you read again without being bored? The Notebook or Suzanne's Diary for Nicholas

CARDIOLOGY: the study of the heart
How old were you the first time you fell in love? About 14. He was 15. We met on a church youth trip. He was tall & handsome... and I loved his mom. And he had a sister named Staci, so I already knew my first name & his last name would sound good together. lol :) I still talk to him once every few years. My hubby hates it.
What charities do you have a heart for? Cancer society, and anything to do with babies.
What's the best way someone can show their love for you? Respect & honesty!
Name five things you "love": My kids, my husband, peach cobbler, spending time with good friends, 5 quiet minutes alone.

PHYSIOLOGY: the study of physical function
Are you right-handed or left-handed? Right
Do you like your smile? For the most part...
What's your best feature? Eyes
Have you ever had anything removed from your body? Not a thing!
Which of your five senses do you think is keenest? Smell--my eyes & ears both seem to be getting old.

OMNOLOGY: the study of everything
What color do you think looks best on you? Olive or sage green--same color as my eyes.
Have you ever swallowed a non-food item by mistake? LOL... I think I have.
What's your favorite flavor of gum? Orbit cinnamint
Where's the first place you went today? Sunday school & church
Do you stand or sit in the shower? Stand

AXIOLOGY: the study of the nature of values and value judgments
Would you walk naked for a half mile down a public street for $100,000? Ummm... right now it's pretty tempting. My husband might do it! HA!
Would you kiss a member of the same sex for $100? Nope.
Would you pose naked in a magazine for $250,000? No way!!
What value is of utmost importance to you in a friend? Honesty, loyalty, same values
Would you accept an indecent proposal for $1,000,000? Hmmm... is he cute? LOL! No, I think not!!

TECHNOLOGY: usage and knowledge of tools
What's the last movie you saw? Herbie Fully Loaded (today, in fact)
What's the first website you visit when you log on? ScrapShare & MySpace
What's your ring tone? It's a reggae, beachy tune
Would you quit blogging for $25,000? LOL... Probably. I could just go back to the old way of writing it on paper!
What piece of equipment do you wish you owned? I just wish our Kenworth was paid for!

GENEALOGY: the study of relationships within families
Is there a specific family member you're really missing right now? My husband... he's been on the road over 2 weeks now. :(
Who is your oldest living relative? Ya know... I'm not sure!
Are you named after anyone? Nope
Is there anyone really famous in your family tree? William Henry Harrison--he was the (9th?) US President who died of pneumonia right after his inauguration.

Mosaic~Blog Challenge

This challenge was issued on a scrapbooking bulletin board that I frequent... the mosiac was created (for free!) here: http://bighugelabs.com/flickr/mosaic.php

Photos are mostly ones taken in our city park at the end of May, 2007... They're all of my daughters, Delaney (age 6 1/2) and Jenna (age 2) except for the last one in the lower right corner... that one is 6 of the 8 girls in my Brownie troop for 2006-07.

Thankful 5/25

Okay, so I've missed a few days posting, but I have been writing them down!!

5 things I'm thankful for today:

1) Getting an aisle seat at the graduation/awards ceremony... It was great to be able to take pictures from my seat!

2) That my parents come to Delaney's things... Daddy can rarely get here, so someone sure needs to make the poor kid feel important!

3) I get to SLEEP IN tomorrow morning for the first time since soccer season started!

4) String cheese--so easy.

5) Fresh strawberries. YUM!

5 things I'm thankful for today:

1) Freedom to worship & praise my the Lord my God with all of my heart!

2) Chocolate cake...yummy!

3) Cool showers...feels good on sunburned skin...

4) The ability to have fun... just to jump up and down, run around & act silly with my kiddos.

5) My girls don't sunburn like me... they got darker skin from their daddy. :)

That's My Girl!

I am 110% positive that Delaney is my child. She sleeps with books under her pillow.

Yep. She's mine.

I'm so proud. :-)

What a day!

I spent much of my day on the phone trying to fix some things... we've had some things go wrong in our lives lately. (If you're reading this, please say a prayer--these issues are extremely important and mainly financial in nature.) I didn't end up getting anywhere with anybody. I stay on hold with one company for 35 minutes, only to have the person on the other end tell me she couldn't help me. That only made me mad. I informed her that I had been on hold for 35 minutes, and I expected an answer to my question. I already didn't have any patience after waiting so long on hold! She said I had "a tone". And apparently I should have said I'd been holding for 35 minutes instead of "35 freakin' minutes!". Ugh. I just hung up before I said something I would regret.

Jenna had quite a busy day, too... She's getting into everything these days. And I do mean everything! I was on the phone when I heard a noise... I didn't think much of it, as there are trucks and tractors in front of my house because they're putting in an underground electric line (yippy skippy). About a minute later, here comes Jenna... with an opened packet of instant oatmeal. I couldn't help but laugh when she said, "Momma! Help me!" Ha ha ha... When I went to check it out, she had managed to empty most of a shelf from the pantry onto the utility room floor.

A little while later, I was looking up something for Mike whe she started to holler at me. I knew she had gone in her room to play, and I wrongly assumed she was playing in her toy box. I went in to find that she had climbed into her crib. Apparently she didn't think she could climb back out though... This time it was, "Wanna g'out." (Translation for those who don't speak toddler-ese: "I want out of here!")

Today, I found adventure without ever leaving the house... It must be a lot of fun to be two. Maybe tomorrow we can ride the tricycle (aka "sickle") in the back yard!

Something good for a change...

Well... after last week, we're now the proud owners of a blue 1997 Kenworth W900L... and the so-called "newer and better" Peterbilt now sits on a lot for sale in Oklahoma City. It was absolutely sucking us dry!! I'm positive that I breathed a sigh of relief when I met Mike in Oklahoma City to drop it off. I was happy to drive away and leave it sitting there, knowing we would not have to pay for any more repairs on that very expensive hunk of metal!!

We bought the KW in Kansas from a guy that Mike knows... he's an older man named Mel. He's about the nicest guy I think I've ever met! He must be a long, lost relative or something... we made sure he knew he was invited to our house for dinner next time he blows though our town. :)

I'm very happy to say that we now have a lower truck payment, and we owe about half as much on our truck as we did with the Pete.

Thank the Lord! I really feel like it's just about time that something goes right for us in the financial department... Lord knows hard times have had us by the neck way too long. We've been in fear of losing everything more than once. And that's a truly horrible feeling!

Now we just have to get all the other things caught back up so that a nice blue Kenworth can be seen sitting in our driveway on occasion... gotta make sure we can keep the driveway so it will have a place to come home to... :)

Sometimes I forget how much I appreciate what my husband does. Some people just don't "get" it... He really sacrifices a lot for our family, and I truly feel loved and blessed because of what he does for me and our girls.

Satan vs. God's Love

Did you know that ONE THIRD of the angels fell with Satan? And that they were all cast out of Heaven with him? I didn't know that before last night. I knew there were others cast out with him, but I didn't know there were so many.

Satan will truly do ANYTHING to get to us. He will talk us into doing things, and then turn around and say, "oh, you shouldn't have done that!" He wants us to feel bad about ourselves all the time!!

I hear people saying all the time, "I don't know why God would do such a thing. Why does He cause me this pain?" Well, if it's hurtful in any way, I can assure you that it was the work of Satan--NOT God!

The Bible says in James 1:17 that "Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the father of the heavenly light." It says that he never changes, that He will ever turn on us. There is not one cell in me that believes that My God would ever cause us any harm. He loves us more than we could possibly fathom. Just think about all the love you hold in your heart for all of your loved ones combined (and some of us love pretty passionately!)--He loves us so muh more than that. It's so much more and much stronger than anything we could imagine. His heart must be overflowing--exploding with feelings of love! Would you send one of your own children out to die for me? He did. He truly cares for us more than words can express.

Do you know that even the demons of hell believe in God--they tremble in God's presence! It's just not enough to believe. We must dig into His Word and really get to know Him, form a relationship with Him. Tell Him all our troubles--give them to Him (He tells us to do so!). Worship Him and praise Him. It is the reason we were made.

Delaney told me tonight that when she's a teenager (she equates being a teenager with being grown up) she is going to be a teacher... and sometimes a waitress--the kind of waitress that tells people about Jesus.

Thinking that she has somewhere confused two things, I asked her, "Don't you mean you want to be a missionary?"

"Yeah. That's what it's called. I think I'll be a missionary and sometimes a teacher. I really want to tell people about Jesus."

She has quite an imagination, that girl. But I'm glad to hear that she's aiming for the stars--or at least she is aiming "high". :)

Sometimes I think I just might be doing an okay at this mom thing... :)

Hubby back out, feeling better, but deal fell through :(

Mike left out on the truck today. He's been home since Saturday morning... Don't get me wrong--I love having him home! But the longer he's her, the more nervous I get. If the wheels aren't rolling, there will be no paycheck... and nobody at my house is happy when they're hungry. Ya know?

I'm glad he's feeling better after getting the wisdom teeth out, and I think the pain is starting to subside. Praise the Lord! I thought yesterday that he was never going to wake up again. lol

We were supposed to trade our truck (Peterbilt) today. We were supposed to drive to Joplin today to finish the deal, and Mike called before we left to make sure the truck was there & that we would get to bring it home today (it was coming from another lot). The salesman said our name was on the truck as sold, and one of the other lots (where it was coming from) sold it out from under us. Mike was furious. He's been waiting to get rid of this truck we have for quite some time. Oh well. Things happen for a reason. I know that God is in control, and He must have something better in mind for us. :) I'm ok with that. I'm not so sure Mike is ok with it though.

I thought I was going to get to photograph Delaney's soccer team tomorrow, but it turns out that the other photographer decided they'll show up tomorrow at our practice. We've missed them twice because of rain. Again, that's ok. God has another plan for me. I'm still going to bring my cameras just in case the scheduled photographer doesn't show up. ;-)

My hubby had 2 wisdom teeth pulled yesterday

Yesterday morning we went to the dentist so Mike could get a wisdom tooth pulled that has been bothering him for quite some time. The dentist cut and twisted and pulled for an hour, but the tooth didn't budge.

He referred us to an oral surgeon, and made us an appointment for 1:15 in Fayetteville.

Off we went. I couldn't drive fast enough, and Mike was in so much pain by the time we got there, we were both in tears! Thank goodness they got him in quick and it was no time before they had the tooth out. They also took out an impacted wisdom tooth directly above the bad one. $525 later, we were on our way back home.

Mike was given prescriptions for antibiotics and percoset. Wow. That percoset is powerful stuff. I don't remember it knocking me out (I know I had the same thing after I had all 4 of my wisdom teeth out on the same day). He's barely conscious. Laying in the recliner, snoring--about 95% of the time since we got home yesterday afternoon. I'm beginning to wonder if I need to check his vitals, although he did wake up to eat scrambled eggs & take more meds this morning...

He can't drive while he's taking pescription pain meds (obviously not if they knock him out!)... so he's at home. The longer he lays there sleeping, the more I start to worry how we will pay the bills next week... I don't want to be that way! I just want him to feel better and be okay, first and foremost.

If you're reading this and you're so inclined... please say a prayer. Pray for Mike--that he will recover quickly. That he will feel better and the pain will go away. That his mouth will heal up quickly, and there will be no incidence of infection. And please pray that my mind will be eased. It's very hard for me not to worry!

It's finally warm again!

So, it's decided to turn off warm again this week, after a cold snap that lasted a week and brought freezing temps for several nights... and killed all the pretty stuff in my back yard!

Today I had to mow the yard, since the rain we've gotten over the past few days apparently contained Miracle Grow! I couldn't believe how fast the grass grew!! And since I only have a push mower these days, I'm sure the neighbors get a kick out of watching me try to RUN behind it! LOL!! The faster I can get it done, the sooner I can get back inside to cool off--it's 74 degrees here today. Not to mention that is less "entertainment" time for the neighbors and the patrons who frequent the store across the street. Ha ha!

Hopefully Mike will be home this weekend. My parents are gone on vacation, and there haven't been many adults around to talk to this week. I'm sure he will be ready to leave back out on the truck again after he's listened to me talk on and on about a hundred little things that really don't matter! ;)

Yeah... I know it's sad that I can't think of anything more important or exciting to talk about than the weather!! LOL! But I am just SO BORED!!

Just celebrating a small little victory here!

Just celebrating a small little victory here... :)

This morning, Mke called, and he said the truck is getting better fuel mileage. Yea!! That's awesome news, especially with the price of fuel increasing.

That one little change has the potential to save us a whole lot of money.

It's a small thing, but I have to praise God for it and give Him the glory!!

So... for those who are keeping up with our situation, please keep praying! We're still a bit behind on our house & van payments. We need a pretty good chunk to get those caught up, but I have faith that God will provide!!

Delaney & the Hand Sanitizer

A few days ago, Delaney, Jenna and I were in Wal-Mart buying some snacks and drinks for our trip to the zoo with our Brownie troop.

We happened over to the samples to look for a small tube of sunscreen, and Delaney spotted the small bottles of hand sanitizer. She has caught this hand-sanitizing "germ-a-phobia" from her Granny and myself. Yes, it's a terrible trait we have passed down to her.

She asked if she could have a bottle, and I said that she could.

She picked up a bottle, and started toward the cart with it... and then something caught her eye. She put back the little bottle, and picked up a smaller, shinier bottle which was in the next bin. She said, "Mom I want this one because it's prettier." I asked her to see it, and she handed me a tiny bottle of KY warming massage oil.

I almost laughed out loud! I told her she can't have that kind because it's not hand sanitizer, and it's a lot more expensive than the kind she had before. I could see why she picked it, though, as it had an orange cap and an iridencent label... that's enough to catch any child's eye.

Thank goodness she didn't argue that time. She put it back, and picked up one of the little bottles of Germ-X that she had asked for. I figured we needed to get out of there before she asked what that other stuff was... and she has become quite an excellent reader, so she would have probably asked me about it by name if I'd given her a chance to check it out any longer. So we promptly headed for the checkout lanes!

The Blessing~God is so good!

I'm posting this here now because I have not yet posted it here... This is something that happened to us at the end of February, and I feel that I'm supposed to share it with everyone I know--and even those I don't know. I am called to be a witness for Christ. I am called to testify to His faithfulness to me!!

From Feb 23rd:

Let me start by saying.... God is good ~ All the time! And all the time, God is good! He is so faithful to those who believe in Him. I know this first-hand.

There are some people who just have a giving heart.

There are some people who are faithful to listen to what the Holy Spirit tells them to do.

There are some people who do both.

With that said, let me share something that has happened to me this week...
This morning, our pastor's wife called me and asked if I could come up and talk to her for a few minutes. I said, "of course! I'll be right there."

She and I talked for a few minutes, and then she pulled an envelope out of her drawer. She handed it to me and said, "You can open it now or later. It's up to you." She had a big smile on her face. Then she handed me a kleenex.

I looked at the envelope for a minute, then at the kleenex. Then I said, "Well, I suppose we should see what's in it." So I slowly opened the envelope. It was money. So much that I was afraid to count it. I bawled. So did she. Then I told her that I was afraid to count it... she told me to go ahead. There was a thousand dollars in that envelope. I couldn't even believe what I was seeing! I think I'm still in a bit of shock.

I have no idea where this money came from. She told me that the person who gave her the envelope just wanted to tell me that they felt led to do so, that someone had blessed them once in much the same way... and that when the time was right that we could bless someone else, that they wanted us to pass along a blessing (to someone else) as well. Wow. You aren't going to believe this, but this is the second time this week that something like this has happened to me. But this time it's ten times as much.

I am so amazed. It's almost enough to make our house payment. There aren't very many people who know how we're struggling right now. Our pastor and his wife, and a few of the ladies at church who are in my Wednesday night class... and a few of my friends outside of our church... they're the only ones I've told. And of course God knows.

The Lord will make a way. If you trust Him, He will always make a way.

I hope that my story will bless your heart today... may God lead your steps. Follow Him and be faithful to Him. There's no telling who you might be able to bless, or in what way--even if only with a kind word or a prayer.

Does it really matter?

I sometimes wonder if what I’m doing today really makes any difference. I mean… will it matter when I’m gone? Will I have made a difference to someone? Is what I’m doing today going to make any difference in eternity?

To be quite honest, I sometimes find myself doing things for the sole purpose of pleasing another person (or people). I like to make people happy. I suppose that makes me a people-pleaser. But I’m not always all about making people happy.

Occasionally, I hear words come out of my mouth that surprise me. Like when I have to get onto a child who does not belong to me, which happens pretty much every Tuesday night at our Brownie meetings. I try to love them, and to be very loving when I have to discipline.

There are times that it is hard for me to really respect my husband. I have to stop and remember that God calls me to do so whether I feel he deserves it or not! When he’s been out on the truck for a couple of weeks, I have so many little chores I need done around the house! I try not to bombard him with them. I try not to whine about how the kids dumped out all the puzzles, and then cried because I told them to pick them up. I want him to feel like his home is a refuge, a place to relax. I want him to want to come home to his family.

When I’m having a difficult time loving my husband and my children because they have made me so furious that I can finally take no more (okay, so I obviously lack patience!), I find myself calling out to God for help. I depend on Him. He always listens. He promised to be there for me always. So I tell Him all my troubles, and I believe that He hears me.

I have started to try and view things from an eternal perspective. I may not remember my deeds (good or bad) once I get to the pearly gates, but I am sure they must be written down in a book somewhere. Will they matter in eternity? Will they be remembered when I pass from this life to the next?

A couple of times, my pastor’s wife has told me, smiling, “I see one more jewel in your crown!” when I’m trying to soothe a fussy toddler in the nursery or helping serve dinner after a funeral to a grieving family. I love to help whenever I can. It’s just who I am. I don’t expect a reward for it! But I do admith that just the thought of someday wearing a crown in heaven with big, beautiful jewels in it makes me smile (hey, what girl doesn't love jewelry!)! I told her once that I’d like emeralds and rubies, please! She laughed and said, “He knows the desires of your heart, and He wants to give them all to you!”

Wow. How amazing is that. Someone wants to give me everything I have ever wanted, and more! It’s truly incredible to me.

Wow. I'm a minivan-driving soccer mom

Yesterday, I came to a realization. It was like it suddenly occurred to me that I've turned into someone I never really thought I'd be.

I guess I never thought I'd drive a minivan or have a child playing soccer. I remember thinking that I'd never be anything but skinny. I thought my hair would always be strawberry blonde, and I'd never get those little lines around my eyes. I guess I must have thought I'd be (or look like I was) seventeen forever.

But here I am!! And I don't think I've ever been happier in my entire life.
I do still miss that old Camaro (my first car) sometimes though... I remember feeling like I could turn the boys' heads...

My oh my, how the times have changed. Sometimes I wonder if I'd ever turn another head (not that I really want to turn any except my hubby's!). I wonder if I'll ever get back into a size seven. I wonder if there's a hair color in a bottle that matches the color I used to have.

Oh, to be a teenager again!! :)

To make it even funnier... Mike said the other day that he wants to buy me a Camaro 'cause he thinks I'd be cute driving one. Sometimes I just wanna squeeze that man... :)

What a week it's been!

So… it’s been an interesting week.

I babysat a friend’s kids Mon, Tues & Wed afternoons… They’re good kids & no trouble at all, except that they want to eat constantly. LOL… but they’re fun. I think my girls enjoyed having 2 other girls to play with!

Wednesday was Valentine’s Day, not that anyone around here noticed. Delaney took her valentines to school and had a school party. And we went to church as usual on Wednesday night. Mike called during the day to tell me happy Valentine’s Day. No flowers, no card, nothing else. Just a phone call. This is my usual gift for just about every holiday, birthday, anniversary. *sigh* I just wish these things mattered to him. I truly do like to be spoiled, but he is so not a spoiler at all. I should be used to it after 8 ½ years of marriage, but it still kind of hurts my feelings.

Thursday I was sick. I mean, sick. When I woke up, I could hardly move. Everything hurt. I think my toenails were in pain. I had the chills so bad that my teeth chattered. I believe it’s the flu. Thank goodness for my mom—she came and got the girls and kept them until tonight. She had me call the doctor yesterday & ask for Tamiflu, and promptly picked it up at the pharmacy and delivered it to me. My entire day was spent on the couch. I tossed and turned, moaned and groaned… there was just no way to be comfortable. I think it was more painful than childbirth. Perhaps I have forgotten what childbirth truly feels like. ;)

I actually feel human today. I think I might survive. My girls are back at home… both are sleeping soundly in their beds.

I still don’t know yet if my dear husband will be home for the weekend (yeah, the same one who doesn’t think Valentine’s Day is important if you want to stay married)… He’s been out for 2 weeks already. I’m starting to think he has a death wish. Or perhaps a divorce wish.

Anyhow… that’s my exciting week… I hope everyone else out there has had a better week than me! I'm sort of glad it's the weekend... :)

It's a Brand New Day--Thank You, Lord!

Whew! Thank the Lord today is a brand new day, and I have this chance to try again to make things right... After the day I had yesterday, I am very thankful that I woke up this morning. :)

We've got snow... plenty of it, in my opinion! It's absolutely covered the streets and made driving anywhere out of the question. There is no school today, so I have two kids at home today instead of one... So, say a prayer for me today... Delaney likes to spend all day making Jenna scream, so I've got the Tylenol and the spanking spoon ready, just in case... But I have hope!! I hope that today will be different! I plan to lay out the expectations ahead of time, in hopes that the girls both will listen and understand...

Tomorrow, Delaney's school is supposed to go on a field trip to Tulsa. I don't see that happening at this point... And if it does, I think she won't be going because I'm pretty positive I don't want her in a bus going a hundred miles away on a snow-covered highway... Call me a worry-wort or a party-pooper or whatever, but I'd rather keep my kids safe... :)

Dear Heavenly Father... Thank you, Lord, for this brand new day... for one more chance to really make things right... Thank you, Lord, for sending your Son to die in my place, so that I would have a chance to live with you for eternity. Oh, what a glorious day it will be! Sometimes I can hardly wait! But I know that your timing is perfect! I ask you to put a hedge of protection around my husbandand kep hi out of harm's way... I ask you, Lord, to bless our family and every person reading this today in such a way that we cannot even imagine. Bind my mind to the mind of Christ, so that You alone--not myself--would be in control of m thoughts and my actions today, Lord. I ask you for your grace today, Father... in a heaping measure. Help me to parent my children with grace and understanding, as I will need to be both mother and father today with Your help.. And please keep the devil at bay. I take authority over Satan, and I command him out of my presence this day!! In Jesus's precious name I pray, Amen.

Someone please pass the Prozac

This may just need to be completely ignored... just in case anyone seriously thinks I might commit murder. I think I am going to have to pray EXTRA long and hard tonight. I need forgiveness for the thoughts I've been thinking today, but you may soon understand the reasons behind them....

My mother-in-law is back at her old tricks again. She is driving me insane. She's so wishy-washy about things that I don't know when to believe her!! I mean... the woman has changed her mind so many times that I'm not sure she has a clue which direction she's headed.

She told my hubby that she wanted to buy our pickup. Then she doesn't, then she does. (Some of you may remember my previous post on the subject.) So I sat it out by the street corner with a "for sale" sign in the window because we HAVE to sell it. That was yesterday morning.

This afternoon, she calls my hubby (she never calls me, but no love lost there!). She proceeds to gripe him out that HER truck has a for sale sign in the window. So, Mike calls me and instructs me to take the sign out of the window. RIGHT NOW!

EXCUSE ME, LADY (if that's even an appropriate term)!! You have not paid a dime for the thing!!

And, furthermore... if you went out of your way to spy on me, why didn't you stop to say hello to your grandchildren?

She's looney, I tell you! I am SOOO ready for this to be over. Sometimes it actually gives me pains--physical pains!!--to think that my children are related to this family. Look out, Vinita... we're on the way!! (Ok, so that's an inside joke we use here--there's a big mental facility in Vinita, OK.)

Is there any state in which murder is legal? Just askin'... you know, for future reference. It might be fun to take MIL on a nice vacation sometime.

Why can't he take my side just once? Why doesn't he defend me? She says "jump", and he gets started right away. I say "jump", and he just looks at me sideways. I am sick to death of coming in line behind someone who is so obviously off her rocker!!

Ugh. Somebody please pass the Prozac. The entire bottle--don't be stingy! I'm flipping out over here!!

P.S. You should know that I considered not clicking the button to post this message. But I have to get this out of my system, and it's not nearly as effective if I write the whole thing and delete it... I really am not psychotic. lol

Oh the weather outside is frightful...

So... it sleeted all day long. The streets look like a big slushy mess... we've been watching people slide around on the street outside out front window. Thing is, it's all going to freeze overnight. That should make a nice mess for people to drive around in!

There are people just down the road from us who haven't had any power since last Saturday. Can you imagine? No electricity for an enire week! We bought firewood from a couple who has been without any power since Saturday--a whole week now. They do have a generator and a wood stove... so thank goodness they're okay. I tend to be a worry-wort when it comes to things like that.

I'm thankful tonight for electricity... for wood to burn in the fireplace... for children who didn't complain about their supper tonight--they ate, took their baths and went to bed without a fight, almost like little angels... I'm thankful for so many things. There are so many who literally have nothing. I have so much. I am very blessed.

So frustrated by money (or lack threof)

And it's especially frustrating when you don't have any! It feels like we're robbing Peter to pay Paul right now, and for the past few weeks... I just pray that Mike's work picks up so that we'll be able to keep our bills paid... Right now, everything is behind. Everything. I've had a hard time admitting this to myself... and I feel like I am stripping myself bare right here for everyone to see. It's also forced me to talk to my husband about how much money we owe--and to whom. I know that everything happens for a reason, so maybe that's the reason.

I am just so frustrated, and I'm trying really hard to not let this get me down. I believe that the money will come just in time, and that it will be enough to keep us from financial ruin... it's just so hard to keep the faith when we're going through this kind of a trying time...

Mike's check comes by mail weekly. It should have been here today, and it was not in the mail. Mike had to call the office & ask for an advance on his pay so that we can fix the broken windshield in the Peterbilt. That kinda makes you swallow your pride. I have to pay our gas & electric bills by Monday, and all our major payments (house, both vehicles & Pete) are behind... I hate this feeling. I don't like to owe anyone money. I can only pray that we're able to recover quickly, and that we have learned from our mistakes. This time it was not our mistake that got us into trouble though... it's the fact that Mike's work has been so slow. He was off work 3 weeks in Dec/Jan, and he has only worked about 10 days since that... It just feels like there is no end in sight. It hurts, and I find myself really fighting depression once again.

I have so much to thank God for though... I have stored food in our pantry & freezer, so that we have plenty to eat. We have fire wood, so we will stay warm. I have bought "supplies" in advance (like soap, deodorant & toilet paper)... so I know we will be ok. We're not going to starve or freeze. That's a comfort, at least... and I thank God for giving me the foresight to plan for such times.

I don't mean to get anybody else down... I just needed to vent it out! If you've read it.... thanks for "listening".

No Time to Breathe

My hubby has been home for a couple of days.. I'm glad he's here and not out driving on the ice, but he starts to get on my nerves after a few days... lol! Being at home together 24/7 is much different from what we're used to, as he is usually out on the truck while I'm at home with our girls.

Tuesday night, he found out that his mom's electricity had been off for 4 days due to the recent ice storm. So yesterday he went all over town looking for a generator for her. They finally got one at our little local hardware store. Of course when she got back home, her electricity was back on. It was off for FOUR days, and I'm surprised she didn't try to do anything about it before then. She and grandma (her mom) came to our house to take a shower yesterday. We live in town, and we haven't been out of electricity except for the hour on Sunday night.
I think I'll change the subject before I go into a mother-in-law rant... 'cause I think I could go on for days. (insert rolling eyes here! lol)

My dear husband just went out to help his mom unload the generator out of the back of her pickup... so this is the first time I've been able to sit at the computer for more than 5 minutes since he got home on Tuesday night. When he's at home, I feel like all I do is cook and clean and do load after load of laundry!! Last night it was about 8:15, and I had just gotten both kids in bed (by myself--he doesn't usually help!). I went to sit down in my rocking chair, and he looked at me... So I snapped at him, "Is it not okay with you if I sit down for just 5 minutes!?" Gracious. I entertained his family for at least 2 hours, cooked 3 meals, and I must have washed/dried/folded at least 4 loads of laundry! I was ready for a rest!!

He didn't say anything. Lucky for him 'cause I might have smacked him. I was really tired. I don't think he realizes that this is what I do every.single.day. My entire life is centered around raising his children and keeping his house clean!! I know I am very blessed to be able to stay at home with the kids, and I'm glad I can. But sometimes I feel like I don't have a life outside my own front door.

Wow. I think I'm shocked at myself for even saying it. I am supposed to be joyful about taking care of my family and my home... why does that come so hard sometimes?

My First Car

I have been missing my first car lately... not sure why. Maybe because I was emotionally attached to it! LOL!

My first car was a 1979 Camaro. It was bright red orange. The first time I saw it, it was full of hail dents and had a bad motor. It became our "family" car when I was 13, and it was instant love for me.

The summer before I turned 16 was spent in the shop with my dad. We worked every night, buiding an engine for the Camaro. I also helped him and his friend do the body work and paint it. I don't think I've ever been so proud of anything in my life (up til I had my kids, at least!).

The morning of my 16th birthday, my mom handed me the keys. WOW! I was actually on my own. I had to take my little brother to school, of course, but I was the "grownup" in the car. lol

My birthday was during the week of our football homecoming, and the traditional bonfire was on my birthday. I brought home about 8 kids from the bonfire. lol... My mom had cake for everyone, too.

Two nights later, I had a guy in my car... he dared me to see how fast it would go. We only got to 115 when he asked me to slow down. Hee hee... I think I scared him! He was cute--a football player, and a huge guy. I ended up dating him briefly a couple of years later.

My Camaro and I cruised the highway of my small hometown, night after night... I met a lot of boys because of my car. It was so pretty.

I had my Camaro for a few years... When I went to college, I traded it for a newer Firebird with t-tops. I wished for my Camaro back because I had a constant sunburn. lol!

I chased a lot of boys in that car, and I drove it a lot of miles. It was probably the best car I ever owned. Especially since I now drive a minivan with a $465 payment. Ugh. Guess I grew up.

Wanna hear something really funny? My hubby said the other day, "You would be so cute in a Camaro. I think we should buy you one this summer." :D Music to my ears...