I became a firefighter today!

Early this afternoon, I dumped out a bucket of ashes that had been sitting on my back patio since Tuesday. I really thought there were no coals left in it, but I guess I was wrong!

At 4:45, the first parent arrived to pick up his little boy (I babysit 2 kids)… About a minute after he came in, I saw someone walk up on the front porch, fling open the storm door and burst right into my house! That in itself nearly scared me to death!! But then he yelled, “Your house is on fire in the back!”

Ok. Now I'm scared. My heart started to pound in my throat!

I ran for the back door, and outside there was a fire between my outbuilding & the fence. Apparently I had caught the leaves on fire. OH DEAR!!

Dave (the dad of the kids I babysit) runs out right behind me, and we grab a water hose. A woman I’ve never seen before in my life ran around from the front of the house with my other water hose, and I ran inside to call 9-1-1 just in case it was too out of control…

The dad of one of my Brownies (a fireman) drove up behind the fence. He asked how I was doing today, and I said that apparently I must be scatterbrained and just didn’t know it!

While I was outside helping put out the fire, the other dad came to pick up the little girl. Why didn't it occur to me that I had left my 7-year-old inside the house alone with his 1-yr-old & my 2-yr-old? I don't even know. Thank goodness she kept them inside and out of harm's way, but poor Jenna was really scared. So one of the firemen (a really cute one, I might add!) kept talking to her, and I think his calmness helped.

Soooo.... All is well. The fire was put out easily, and we dug through the leaves and made sure everything in the area was thoroughly saturated. I am so thankful that it was only that small spot, but it still really worried me!! I thought it was going to get the outbuilding that we keep gas & lawn mowers in (which I was prepared to move out quickly!)… but it didn’t hurt it at all. All it really did was clear out the fence row… which really needed done, but that wasn't how I was planning to do it! ;-)

Thank the Lord for those people who stopped to tell me and to help!! Otherwise, I might not have known there was a fire until it traveled to my neighbor’s house!! I wish I knew who the guy was so I could thank him, but I couldn't even tell you the first thing about what he looked like. (So much for my training as a bank teller where they teach you how to remember what the bank robber looked like! LOL!)

I’m so thankful it was not windy today, as it could have spread to the woods or to the house beside me. And I am incredibly grateful that my house and my family are both still intact.

The whole ordeal only lasted about 30 minutes, and my heart is still racing!!

I went to a Stamp Club meeting tonight, and I was the first to finish all my projects... I am still feeling such an adrenaline rush.

Ant Heaven

A couple of weeks ago, I saw an ant on the kitchen counter and I squished it. No big deal to me because I do that occasionally...

Jenna (who's 2 1/2) asked where the ant went, and I told her I sent it to "Ant Heaven." She was fine with that answer.

I've been babysitting a little boy who's 3 1/2, and he piped up with, "Jenna, do you know where Ant Heaven is? It's way, way, way, far away from here. It's in California."

I had no idea that Ant Heaven was in California. I think I learned something new that day... ;)

Funny about underwear

My hubby left out on the truck last night... He must have left right after I went to sleep because I didn't know he was gone til I woke up this morning! I had told him he needed to get his stuff out of the dryer before he left, but he forgot... so I woke up to a dryer full of his underwear and socks! Oops!!

I called him this morning to make sure he knew he didn' t have it packed, and let him know he may need to stop by a store to pick up a package... But thankfully he has enough in the truck to get him by since he will be back for Thanksgiving! I had really thought I had over-bought, but I guess when you spend most of your life in a big truck, too much underwear can be a good thing. LOL!

Well... I decided that I'll be better able to weed out anything with holes in it if it's here at home anyhow... He will wear it until it's falling apart, so I'm sure some of it needs replaced!

Then, this morning I discovered a hole in my underwear I was wearing. By the time I discovered it, I had stuck my thumb in it and ripped off half the waistband. LOL! I was so glad I was at home when it happened!

I think we're both getting underwear in our Christmas stockings this year.

And by the way... you'll be happy to know that I decided to buy myself a couple of new pairs of undies tonight while I was at Wal-Mart! ;-)

Confirmation--It's a great thing!

Sometimes I feel like I'm going about this parenting thing all wrong. I'm sure everyone feels that way sometimes!

Tonight, I went to a parent/teacher conference with my first-grade daughter's teacher. She's a wonderful lady, and I knew I liked her the first time I met her. :) She has been teaching for years, and she seems very calm and patient and loving toward the kids.

Well... I went into the room, half expecting to hear something about how Delaney doesn't pay attention. But she must save all that for home. LOL! The first thing that Mrs. J. said was, "I absolutely love having Delaney in my room. She is such a joy!" I immediately teared up, nodding my head in agreement. (I cry--it's just what I do!) She went on with, "She is absolutely the salt and light in the room." Now I'm trying to blot my eyes with a tissue so that my mascara doesn't run.... after all, I had put it on just for this, so I wanted it to last longer than 20 minutes!

Mrs. J said that she was reading a story to the class last week in which there was a little animal lost in the dark, and he was scared and alone. Delaney piped up and said, "Well! He doesn't need to be scared because Jesus is always there with him, and He will protect him!" That's it. I'm crying now. Yeah, I'm a little emotional... lol

She says a lot of things like that, according to her teacher. I can't even explain how proud that made me feel. I love when I get that little confirmation that what I'm doing with my kids IS the right thing. I know that she's getting a good foundation in her faith in God, but it's so good to hear that coming out in her.

Of course, at the conference we talked about her work a little too... she's at an accelerated reading level, and she gets to see the Discovery (gifted & talented) teacher a little more than the other kids in the class (they all go in 1st grade). She's missing a few math problems on occasion because of carelessness... so I probably need to talk with her again about paying attention before she writes down her answers.

I am so proud of my little girl. I've always known that she was put here for a special purpose... I can't wait to find out what God has in store for her.

Jenna's little incident~stitches in her eyebrow!

Last night the girls & I were at my parents' house visiting with my mom, and we had just put away the toys and gotten ready to come back home... Jenna took off running across the living room, tripped, and fell face-first into the corner of their cast iron wood stove.

I picked her up, expecting to see a scratch or a bruise--she falls all the time. But it was more than a scratch. She was screaming, and I suddenly had blood all over my shirt and she had it all over her hands. My mom ran for a washcloth, and I ran to the car, hollering at them to hurry up! Apparently Delaney couldn't find her shoes, and it probably took them a full minute to get out the door. To me, it was ten minutes. my baby was bleeding, and I couldn't even see her cut for the blood.

We got to the emergency room, and we ONLY had to wait 4 hours. Ugh. You would think people could visit for an emergency, but I guess not! Everyone else in there looked perfectly fine compared to my sweet little angel and her bleeding eyebrow! Everyone was commenting and asking us what happened to her.

We got to the ER at 9:00 pm, and at about 1 am, the doctor finally got to see us. He was extremely nice, and I really appreciated the bedside manner of both him and the nurse who helped. So I certainly couldn't complian about waiting for him. We had to wrap Jenna in a bed sheet to keep her arms down while he gave her a shot and sewed up her eye. I think she has 6 stitches. I was having a hard time counting while trying to keep her calm. The doctor worked fast, and he was great with her.

Delaney cried. I think my mom did, too. I couldn't even think of crying--I just had to concentrate on holding my baby down!

Here is a photo of Jenna last night. She went to sleep as soon as she was in the car. The pressure dressing is wrapped around her head to keep the swelling down.

And here she is this morning, with the pressure dressing off. (Sorry for the bad pic quality--I hate my current digital because it's moody!)

She was telling me that her eye was sore this morning, so I showed her in the mirror what she looked like. She looked at herself really strange and said, "Mommy! What happen my eye!?" Poor baby! I don't know if she forgot that she fell and hurt herself. I only hope that she won't have a scar to have to remember it by!

By the way... she DOES look MUCH better as the day goes on. There is almost no swelling, and she hasn't said anything else about it. In fact, she has been dancing around and acting like Jenna. Right now she is talking to her granny on her toy phone.

I know she will be fine, but I would still appreciate prayers for no scars and no infection! I have to take her back in a week to get the stitches out.

Oh, and by the way... Delaney is almost 7 and Jenna is 2 1/2, and this is the FIRST time we have been to the ER for anything. In fact, we have probably only been to the doctor for a "sick" visit 3 or 4 times. We have been very blessed!

A to Z About Me! :)

1. A is for age:
32 (33 in a couple of weeks! I'm getting old! LOL!)

2. B is for your best friend:
My husband, Mike

3. C is for career :
Stay-at-home mom--the best job in the world! :)

4. D is for your dog's name:
Don't have a dog right now... our last one was Rusty.

5. E is for essential item you use everyday:
Toothpaste! lol

6.F is for favorite show at the moment:
Grey's Anatomy

7. G is for favorite game:
Scrabble or Solitaire

8. H is for Home town:
Siloam Springs (Go Panthers!)

9. I is for instruments you play.
Piano (I'm by no means a pro!)... used to play flute

10. J is for favorite juice:
Apple

11. K is for whose ass you'd like to kick:
LOL... I'm not really that type, but I could think of one or two that probably need it.

12. L is for last place you ate:
Popeye's

13. M is for marriage:
Loving every minute of it! :)

14. N is for your full name:
Stacy Michelle (Smith) Bishop

15. O is for overnight hospital stays:
First time~I was pregnant with our older daughter, and I had a kidney infection
Second time~Had 1st daughter
Third time~Had 2nd daughter

16. P is for people you were with today:
My girls!

17. Q is for quote:
"There's a skinny woman inside me screaming to get out. I can usually shut her up with chocolate!" :-)

18. R is for Biggest Regret:
Hmmm... those things happened before I got married, and I'd rather just forget them & move on! :)

19. S is for status:
Happily Married!

20. T is for time you woke up today:
6 am

21. U is for underwear you have on now:
LOL... Yes, I'm wearing them! I think that's enough info. ;-)

22. V is for vegetable you love:
I love most veggies... just not brussel sprouts!

23. W is for worst habit:
I bite my fingernails

24. X is for x-rays you've had:
Just one~my back. Had a fractured vertebrae! Not fun!

25. Y is for yummy food you ate today:
I've been sick this week... so the grilled cheese I had for lunch was about the ONLY thing I had today!

26. Z is for your zodiac sign:
Libra

What's luck got to do with it?

As far as I'm concerned, luck doesn't even exist in this situation. When Mike called me at 10:45 pm on August 22nd to tell me he had a wreck, all I could do was stop and pray. I had to thank God for saving my husband!

The trailer full of cattle should have turned over. But the truck jackknifed in a way that the trailer came to rest on the frame of the truck instead. Thank the Lord. If that truck had turned over, it could have killed all the cattle he was carrying--as well as my husband.

When he took me to the body shop to see the truck, he thought I was going to flip out. I didn't. I think he thought I was nuts because I said all I can do right now is just thank God that you're alive!

So, for those who want to see what it looks like when a semi meets a herd of cattle in the middle of the highway in the dark... here are a couple of photos. This is what $42,000 worth of damage looks like, just in case you ever wondered...

Update on Mike's wreck

I talked to Mike tonight, and the axle finally made it to the body shop where the rest of the truck is. Apparently it got there Wednesday, and he just hadn't told me! Men. lol!

Anyhow... the estimate to repair the truck is $42K. We only paid $25K for the truck, and we have it insured for $30K... Interesting, huh? So, will we get $30K? Will we get anything? I think we'll be lucky to get what we gave for the truck, but I feel like we deserve the full $42K plus 2 weeks' pay!! This has been such a mess. But I am trying (really hard!) not to walk around with the feeling that somebody owes me something.

I'm going to probably go to OKCity (about a 3-hr trip) on Tuesday to get Mike & clean out the Kenworth--there is a lot of paperwork and lots of his stuff still in it. And then we're off to buy another truck. We even have one picked out--it has a fresh overhaul, and it's even close to home!

This has been such a merry-go-round... and not one of those fun kind with all the pretty horses!! I am SO ready for all of this to be over with so that we can move on with our on little version of "normal...

Things I've learned since having children

* That a child will keep bugging you until you give in and give her what she asked for in the first place. (Please? Please? Pretty please?)

* That when two children take a bath together they can splash every last drop of water out of the bathtub. My two can soak the floor faster than I can get their hair washed.

* That kids always take their naps at the time of day that you need to do something outside the house.

* That spiders can appear out of nowhere and make a child scream a shrill scream, loud enough that it could wake the people on the other side of town.

* That childbirth doesn’t hurt like people go on about it. People talk about giving birth like it is the worst pain on earth. (However, having all 4 wisdom teeth pulled at the same time may possibly be in that category.)

* That when your child hurts, so do you… possibly even more. And when her feelings get hurt, mom's ready to fight for her.

* That an airplane, a helicopter, a train or any vehicle with lights and a siren is considered entertainment.

* That it’s so much fun to blow bubbles inside the house! :-)

* That washing, brushing and fixing someone else’s hair isn’t as easy as the hair stylists make it look.

* That discipline can be so hard!

* That I would be scheduling my own activities around the activities of my children.

* That it’s really, really fun to remove all the couch cushions so that you can jump on the springy part underneath.

* That they would pick up my lack of neatness! (oops!)


*That just because I stay at home with my kids, people seem to think I have all the time in the world to do whatever I want.

* That being a mom is the best job on earth!

* That children are the most rewarding gift I could ever be given!!

Mike had an accident~the Kenworth is totaled

I'm finding myself with a jumble of thoughts inside my head... so I can only pray that they have made thier way out in such a way that they will make sense!

Mike had an accident last week, and our Kenworth is totaled... Thank God that my husband is ok. He came so close to so many different things happening that would have killed him or seriously injured him. Angels were definitely with him!!

The accident was last Wednesday night (August 22nd). He called me just befor 11 pm, right after I had drifted off to sleep. I was barely coherent until he started talking about screeching tires and the trailer nearly turning over. That caught my attention enough to wake me up. I was scared to death... all I could do was pray until I fell back to sleep. But I know I didn't sleep much that night.

Seems that a farmer had left his gate open (or someone knocked it open--it's still not completely clear)... there were several cows in the road--black ones, and it was pitch dark. Mike didn't see them until he got close enough that he couldn't stop.

Mike said that he skidded sideways down the highway & the trailer jackknifed. He plowed down a line of trees. The truck's fenders are gone, and the hood is all smashed up. The front axle came out from underneath the truck. I told him I wanted to see pictures of it (our insurance company requires pictures, so I had wanted to see them too)... he didn't want me to see them. It must be worse than he is telling me.

He told me that the truck finally stopped just before it hit "the biggest tree in Texas", in his words... he said he knew he would have been dead if he'd hit that tree. He said that he kept seeing the trailer teetering in his rear view mirror, but somehow it didn't flip over... that would have caused the tractor to flip over as well, quite possibly killing him.

He had a trailer load of cattle, and amazingly, none of them were injured. They were really tossed around, and they made the trailer teeter again when they all stood back up.

Twelve of the farmer's cows died that night on the highway. Seven of them were killed by our truck. One was killed by a pickup coming from the other direction. Four were injured badly enough that they had to be shot at the scene. So sad. And it could have been prevented if someone had just paid attention to the gate.

All of this has really made me question our very existence and what we're doing with our lives... but Mike doesn't seem to be affected in quite the same way. I pray. I thank God for his protection, and I ask Him to place angels on guard. Mike gets on the phone. He looks for another truck online. For him, it's like life just goes on. You get right back on the horse. He and I are so different. Very different. Sometimes enough that we seem to have nothing at all in common.

We're still waiting for insurance to come back with an amount because they're waiting on the axle (which came out from under the truck) to be shipped to where the rest of the truck was towed. It's ridiculous that it should take over a week, but that's what they're waiting on. I guess I could go get it myself, but I'm pretty sure it wouldn't fit in the back of my minivan. I'd have to rent a dually truck & a lowboy trailer. I don't see that happening, but it's pretty tempting.

When will this ever end? It seems like we have one bad spell after another... Why can't things just work out like we want them to once in a while? I take it to heart, letting myself believe that we somehow deserve this disastrous occurrence. I know better. God has seen us through so much. He's certainly not going to give up now. As long as I keep the faith. I have to believe. I must believe.

I am a believer that all things happen for a reason. I may never know the reason, but I know that God has a plan. It is obvious to be that He is not finished with my husband. He could have easily died that night, but he is still with me. He knows that my girls need a daddy and I need a husband. There is a reason. He has a plan. Thank God for his divine plan.

Choosing Thankfulness

I'm enrolled in a Sunday School class at our church where we're studying the First Place book about thankfulness.

First place is a program that I'm doing along with the others in the class where we choose to change our diet to be healthier. We started it last Sunday, and I've already lost 2 pounds in one week! My goal weight is now only 38 pounds away. Yippee! :-D If this keeps up, I could lose up to 26 pounds by the time our Sunday school quarter is up! That would be awesome. I'm really hoping to set some healthy habits that will last, for myself and for my children!

Back to the thankfulness part... We've been challenged to write down 5 things each morning & 5 things each evening for which we are thankful. There have already been days it's been pretty hard!

I figured I might share tonight's list, hoping that it might trigger a few more thankful thoughts. :)

Tonight, I am thankful to the Lord for:

* air conditioning (especially since it was 102 degrees today!)
* children who go to sleep easily and sleep all night
* my husband, and that he has a job that supports our family (even if it is a tight budget, we still have food to eat & a roof over our heads!)
* my church family (I'd be LOST without them!)
* my health, and the health of each of my children & my husband. I pray that we will always be healthy.

~Stacy

Never dull

Delaney stayed with my niece last night, who had sleepover... so Delaney is wanting to do the same before school starts. LOL... I am not sure I'm ready for more than one guest at a time! My sister-in-law must truly be brave.

It's just been me & Jenna this morning, and there's been no lack of activity. I feel like I have chased her constantly! She gets into EVERYTHING she can reach. And if she can't reach it, she will just push a dining room chair across the floor! I think I have my work cut out for me with that little monkey.

There is never a dull moment as long as Jenna is around. If it ever gets quiet in the house, it's a good idea to hunt down the quiet... 'cause you never know what you'll find!!

Where did the summer go?

School starts for my first-grader (yes, it's hard to believe that she's that old!) on August 20th. That's only 10 days from now! Where did the summer go?

We have hardly done anything all summer... it's not that we didn't want to, but that we couldn't afford to!

Mike has been working all the time, trying to get us caught up on all the bills we got behind on from such a bad winter & spring. But it doesn't seem to be working fast enough. Before we know it, winter will be here again... then it all starts over again. All I can do is pray that God will provide the jobs, and that the truck stays in good shape to take them.

The girls & I went to Branson with my mom for two nights...We spent the most of three days shopping and doing fun things. Delaney refers to this as her "vacation." It was really nice.

It's been so hot out thatI haven't wanted to be outside! My girls haven't spent a lot of time outside because I have such a fear of heat exhaustion. When it's near 100 degrees, I much prefer to keep my babies inside. Maybe that makes me crazy, but I am what I am...

I am looking forward to the start of school, but I'm not at the same time. Delaney is ready, but Jenna won't like having big sis out of the house every day, all day long. I am going to babysit two kids during the school year though, so hopefully Jenna won't miss her as much with someone else around to play with!

Car troubles~Time to trade? Ugh.

Last Thursday I took my van (a 2006 Caravan—not even old enough to have problems!) into the dealership because it had a little shimmy. Nothing big, but I was afraid something was wrong with the brakes because it was doing it when I took off from a complete stop.
They told me that they had a “bulletin” on it, and they “fixed” it by re-routing the power steering line.

Yesterday we drove to Springdale to get parts for the Kenworth. On the way back home, we stopped at a stoplight. We noticed a horrible smell, and there was a huge puff of smoke when we took off. I managed to pull over, and there was NO power steering. I knew right then that somebody had messed up!

I called the dealership that had “fixed” it on Thursday, and they brought us a different van. They also took my van to their shop. The guy who came after it was one of their mechanics, and he found the problem immediately. He said they had used a different kind of clamp that wasn’t holding… so the hose had slipped off the power steering pump. All that smoke was actually steam—it was the fluid blowing all over the place, creating a steam when it hit the hot parts under the van.

On the way back to town, we were inspecting the van. It was a Chrysler Town & Country, a bit bigger than my Caravan, a year newer… had more miles & the check-engine light was on. It also wasn’t nearly as nice as our van. So we decided to cruise through the dealership to see what they had! LOL!

We found a really nice Chrysler Pacifica that we both fell in love with. I’m still not sure if we’re going to get it. We haven’t really made the deal yet, but we tried a little last night. In fact, we spent most of our day at the dealership yesterday!

This is the car we should have bought to begin with. We both loved them, and Mike hated the idea of a van. I begged for a van. Why? I dunno. LOL! He will actually DRIVE the Pacifica. He has driven the van to the donut shop across town twice since we have had it (and we’ve had it since Dec 05!). And he only drove then because he really wanted donuts. LOL!!

Trading cars is so frustrating. They want to give you about half of what your car is worth for trade-in, and then they want you to pay more than what the other one is worth for their car. Ugh. I thought we had reached some decent numbers by the time we left last night… We’ll see what happens today. We may be driving a new (well, different! It’s a 2005) vehicle by the end of the day… or maybe not!

Only problem I see with the Pacifica? It's not red. I love red. I'd choose red over anything else. Always. ;)

Tooth Fairy Update (

Saturday, July 28th
The tooth fairy managed to redeem herself... Remembered to leave a dollar under Delaney's pillow. Thank goodness! :) I thought I might have to hunt her down. lol

When Delaney got up the next morning, she was excited to find the dollar... She did ask me if I needed to borrow it. Ha ha... Poor kid! Obviously she hears much more than she needs to. I told her she can do whatever she wanted to with it, so she put it in the offering plate at church.

She's a pretty good kid, that Delaney. Most of the time. ;-)

The Tooth Fairy is in BIG Trouble!

Oh boy... the tooth fairy has really messed up!

Delaney lost a tooth yesterday... Last night she put it under her pillow, fully expecting a dollar from the Tooth Fairy. (I know this because she asked me if I needed to borrow her dollar—poor kid!)

So, she woke me up this morning at 7:15 am. She NEVER gets up that early!! She was whining, and said the Tooth Fairy didn’t come!

Well… knowing I had to say something smooth, I told her that she probably went to bed too late. I mean, doesn’t everybody know that that Tooth Fairy comes BEFORE 10:30 pm?? ;-)

All I know is that she'd better go to bed earlier tonight ‘cause I told her that the Tooth Fairy probably stops coming before 10!

And that darn Tooth Fairy had better get her act together!

Preparing for a new season

This is pretty personal, but I'm going to go ahead & post it anyhow...

I try to take my kids' clothes from the previous year to a store to sell them... This helps tremendously to get some money to buy clothes for the current season/year. Most of my kids' clothes either come from consignment/resale stores or clearance racks.

Well... I've decided that I'm going to go ahead & sell my maternity clothes this time, too. I am finding myself very reluctant about doing it. I am just not sure I'm ready to end that season of my life. I feel like it's a statement--like I'm saying that I'm done, that I don't want any more kids. But that's simply not true.

We're at a point in our lives right now that my husband and I feel that it would be irresponsible of us to have another baby when we can barely afford the two children we have. We know we are blessed to have two healthy little girls, but I can't help but want another. But right now is not the time.

I'm thinking about making an appointment with my ob/gyn to get a semi-permanent form of birth control that lasts 5 years. Not completely permanent because emotionally, I just can't handle that right now--maybe not ever... and because our lives could change in a couple of years. I just can't give up the prospect of one more.

Almost everyone around me has 3 or 4 kids. I look at them and wonder how they do it. I have no clue. I just know I want what they have, but I feel like it's wrong for me to want something we really can't afford to take care of.

I'm sure there are other people out there like me... I know that I'm surely not alone. But right now, I feel pretty alone in this season of my life. :(

I may never again experience that excitement of knowing there is a baby growing inside me... feel that first little kick or hear that baby cry. Never see another child take her first steps or hear her say her first word. But I'm thankful to have had the privilege twice. And that is twice more than some will know that joy.

Jenna pottied in the potty!

Every morning we get up, and I ask Jenna if she wants to try big-girl panties today. This morning, she pulled them out & put them on.

Now, I know she just turned 2 in April... and maybe I'm jumping the gun (Delaney potty trained much later than this!). But I am trying to let her decide on her own. I don't want to push her!

After wearing her big-girl training panties for about an hour, she went in and sat on the potty. She must have gotten excited because she stood up and peed all over the potty and the floor. LOL! There was a little in the potty, but not as much as on the floor... At least she tried, and she knows where she is supposed to go.

She just went outside to play with her sister. Hopefully she won't potty all over herself outside! lol! I'll try to ask her about every 15 minutes, then sit her on the potty about once an hour.

Wish me luck... it's been 4 1/2 years since Delaney was 2, so I feel little out of practice. ;-)

I am so frustrated--A VENT about church & my parents

I just need to vent. So, please don’t take anything personally that you are about to read. I am just REALLY MAD, and I need to get it out of my system before I scream.

On Sunday nights at our church, we don’t have nursery or kids classes. The kids go into the regular church service.

My kids are 6 and 2. They are not adults, and I really don’t expect them to act like such. Normally we don’t go to Sunday night service because they are kids, and the just can’t be quiet or still. Tonight was no different, as I decided to try it again. I think it was a mistake.

Things were fine for the first few minutes. We were singing… Delaney sang along, and Jenna clapped her hands.

As soon as the pastor started preaching his message, my sweet children turned into little heathens. Jenna ate her snack and drank her juice pretty quick, then started playing with her baby doll… Delaney decided to start taking things away from her, and Jenna screamed--several times. Ugh.

And here’s the best part… My parents were sitting right next to the kids too, and my dad looks over at me with his evil eye. I don’t know exactly what he expected me to do, but it made me feel about 2 inches tall. I HATE that feeling. It’s how he’s made me feel my entire life--like I don’t have a handle on anything.

My parents are those people who expected miracles from me, but got nothing they expected. I am merely a housewife who didn’t finish college. I married a man who became a truck driver. They seem to dislike everything about my life, who I am and what I do. Whether they actually think that, I have no clue… but it’s certainly how they make me feel. They’re always telling me what a wonderful job my brother has and how much money he makes and how wonderful things are at their house. It’s like they’re comparing us all the time, and I NEVER measure up. Never. I try SO hard to let it all go, but it only makes me more jealous. And then they wonder why I feel that way.

These are the same parents who say that my kids really need to learn how to act in church, and that they won’t learn if I don’t bring them… and yet they want to complain about the way they act when I do bring them. See? I absolutely cannot win, even if I try!

Anyhow… when the church service was over, I packed up the girls’ stuff, and we darted out to the van. I hardly said a word to anyone. I just wanted to crawl under a pew and hide, honestly. I was just ready to get out of there.

And now I get an e-mail from my mom, saying she wants Delaney to spend the night one night this week… she said some one-on-one time might be good for her. It’s so lovely of her to suggest in her “subtle” way that I’m not spending enough time with Delaney. Don’t ya think? Grrr…

I am so tired of my parents telling me that I NEED a husband and my kids NEED a dad. We have one. It just happens that he works all the time and isn’t home. I don’t have the dream life, and they have a problem with it. IT IS NOT MY FAULT!!! None of it is my fault. So, why do I feel like it’s all my fault?

I feel so frustrated and angry right now that I can’t even answer my mom’s e-mail! I can’t call either--I’m so worried that if I call them I’ll just tell them off. I don’t want to go that route. So I suppose I’ll just sweep it under the rug and pretend that it never happened. Just like the last two hundred and fifty-seven times this sort of thing has happened. :(

My mom & I took the girls shopping tonight... When we got back home the kids were exhausted. They came right in and put their jammies on, then they laid down in my bed. After about 5 minutes of giggles, both were sound asleep.

I had to move them both to their own beds. I'd swear they have both been eating lead. It's just too hard to sleep with Delaney, or I might have left them. She kicks, and she makes me feel really hot. And she weighs 63 pounds, so now that I've moved her, I wonder if I need to make an appointment with my chiropractor. LOL!