Hubby back out, feeling better, but deal fell through :(

Mike left out on the truck today. He's been home since Saturday morning... Don't get me wrong--I love having him home! But the longer he's her, the more nervous I get. If the wheels aren't rolling, there will be no paycheck... and nobody at my house is happy when they're hungry. Ya know?

I'm glad he's feeling better after getting the wisdom teeth out, and I think the pain is starting to subside. Praise the Lord! I thought yesterday that he was never going to wake up again. lol

We were supposed to trade our truck (Peterbilt) today. We were supposed to drive to Joplin today to finish the deal, and Mike called before we left to make sure the truck was there & that we would get to bring it home today (it was coming from another lot). The salesman said our name was on the truck as sold, and one of the other lots (where it was coming from) sold it out from under us. Mike was furious. He's been waiting to get rid of this truck we have for quite some time. Oh well. Things happen for a reason. I know that God is in control, and He must have something better in mind for us. :) I'm ok with that. I'm not so sure Mike is ok with it though.

I thought I was going to get to photograph Delaney's soccer team tomorrow, but it turns out that the other photographer decided they'll show up tomorrow at our practice. We've missed them twice because of rain. Again, that's ok. God has another plan for me. I'm still going to bring my cameras just in case the scheduled photographer doesn't show up. ;-)

My hubby had 2 wisdom teeth pulled yesterday

Yesterday morning we went to the dentist so Mike could get a wisdom tooth pulled that has been bothering him for quite some time. The dentist cut and twisted and pulled for an hour, but the tooth didn't budge.

He referred us to an oral surgeon, and made us an appointment for 1:15 in Fayetteville.

Off we went. I couldn't drive fast enough, and Mike was in so much pain by the time we got there, we were both in tears! Thank goodness they got him in quick and it was no time before they had the tooth out. They also took out an impacted wisdom tooth directly above the bad one. $525 later, we were on our way back home.

Mike was given prescriptions for antibiotics and percoset. Wow. That percoset is powerful stuff. I don't remember it knocking me out (I know I had the same thing after I had all 4 of my wisdom teeth out on the same day). He's barely conscious. Laying in the recliner, snoring--about 95% of the time since we got home yesterday afternoon. I'm beginning to wonder if I need to check his vitals, although he did wake up to eat scrambled eggs & take more meds this morning...

He can't drive while he's taking pescription pain meds (obviously not if they knock him out!)... so he's at home. The longer he lays there sleeping, the more I start to worry how we will pay the bills next week... I don't want to be that way! I just want him to feel better and be okay, first and foremost.

If you're reading this and you're so inclined... please say a prayer. Pray for Mike--that he will recover quickly. That he will feel better and the pain will go away. That his mouth will heal up quickly, and there will be no incidence of infection. And please pray that my mind will be eased. It's very hard for me not to worry!

It's finally warm again!

So, it's decided to turn off warm again this week, after a cold snap that lasted a week and brought freezing temps for several nights... and killed all the pretty stuff in my back yard!

Today I had to mow the yard, since the rain we've gotten over the past few days apparently contained Miracle Grow! I couldn't believe how fast the grass grew!! And since I only have a push mower these days, I'm sure the neighbors get a kick out of watching me try to RUN behind it! LOL!! The faster I can get it done, the sooner I can get back inside to cool off--it's 74 degrees here today. Not to mention that is less "entertainment" time for the neighbors and the patrons who frequent the store across the street. Ha ha!

Hopefully Mike will be home this weekend. My parents are gone on vacation, and there haven't been many adults around to talk to this week. I'm sure he will be ready to leave back out on the truck again after he's listened to me talk on and on about a hundred little things that really don't matter! ;)

Yeah... I know it's sad that I can't think of anything more important or exciting to talk about than the weather!! LOL! But I am just SO BORED!!

Just celebrating a small little victory here!

Just celebrating a small little victory here... :)

This morning, Mke called, and he said the truck is getting better fuel mileage. Yea!! That's awesome news, especially with the price of fuel increasing.

That one little change has the potential to save us a whole lot of money.

It's a small thing, but I have to praise God for it and give Him the glory!!

So... for those who are keeping up with our situation, please keep praying! We're still a bit behind on our house & van payments. We need a pretty good chunk to get those caught up, but I have faith that God will provide!!

Delaney & the Hand Sanitizer

A few days ago, Delaney, Jenna and I were in Wal-Mart buying some snacks and drinks for our trip to the zoo with our Brownie troop.

We happened over to the samples to look for a small tube of sunscreen, and Delaney spotted the small bottles of hand sanitizer. She has caught this hand-sanitizing "germ-a-phobia" from her Granny and myself. Yes, it's a terrible trait we have passed down to her.

She asked if she could have a bottle, and I said that she could.

She picked up a bottle, and started toward the cart with it... and then something caught her eye. She put back the little bottle, and picked up a smaller, shinier bottle which was in the next bin. She said, "Mom I want this one because it's prettier." I asked her to see it, and she handed me a tiny bottle of KY warming massage oil.

I almost laughed out loud! I told her she can't have that kind because it's not hand sanitizer, and it's a lot more expensive than the kind she had before. I could see why she picked it, though, as it had an orange cap and an iridencent label... that's enough to catch any child's eye.

Thank goodness she didn't argue that time. She put it back, and picked up one of the little bottles of Germ-X that she had asked for. I figured we needed to get out of there before she asked what that other stuff was... and she has become quite an excellent reader, so she would have probably asked me about it by name if I'd given her a chance to check it out any longer. So we promptly headed for the checkout lanes!

The Blessing~God is so good!

I'm posting this here now because I have not yet posted it here... This is something that happened to us at the end of February, and I feel that I'm supposed to share it with everyone I know--and even those I don't know. I am called to be a witness for Christ. I am called to testify to His faithfulness to me!!

From Feb 23rd:

Let me start by saying.... God is good ~ All the time! And all the time, God is good! He is so faithful to those who believe in Him. I know this first-hand.

There are some people who just have a giving heart.

There are some people who are faithful to listen to what the Holy Spirit tells them to do.

There are some people who do both.

With that said, let me share something that has happened to me this week...
This morning, our pastor's wife called me and asked if I could come up and talk to her for a few minutes. I said, "of course! I'll be right there."

She and I talked for a few minutes, and then she pulled an envelope out of her drawer. She handed it to me and said, "You can open it now or later. It's up to you." She had a big smile on her face. Then she handed me a kleenex.

I looked at the envelope for a minute, then at the kleenex. Then I said, "Well, I suppose we should see what's in it." So I slowly opened the envelope. It was money. So much that I was afraid to count it. I bawled. So did she. Then I told her that I was afraid to count it... she told me to go ahead. There was a thousand dollars in that envelope. I couldn't even believe what I was seeing! I think I'm still in a bit of shock.

I have no idea where this money came from. She told me that the person who gave her the envelope just wanted to tell me that they felt led to do so, that someone had blessed them once in much the same way... and that when the time was right that we could bless someone else, that they wanted us to pass along a blessing (to someone else) as well. Wow. You aren't going to believe this, but this is the second time this week that something like this has happened to me. But this time it's ten times as much.

I am so amazed. It's almost enough to make our house payment. There aren't very many people who know how we're struggling right now. Our pastor and his wife, and a few of the ladies at church who are in my Wednesday night class... and a few of my friends outside of our church... they're the only ones I've told. And of course God knows.

The Lord will make a way. If you trust Him, He will always make a way.

I hope that my story will bless your heart today... may God lead your steps. Follow Him and be faithful to Him. There's no telling who you might be able to bless, or in what way--even if only with a kind word or a prayer.

Does it really matter?

I sometimes wonder if what I’m doing today really makes any difference. I mean… will it matter when I’m gone? Will I have made a difference to someone? Is what I’m doing today going to make any difference in eternity?

To be quite honest, I sometimes find myself doing things for the sole purpose of pleasing another person (or people). I like to make people happy. I suppose that makes me a people-pleaser. But I’m not always all about making people happy.

Occasionally, I hear words come out of my mouth that surprise me. Like when I have to get onto a child who does not belong to me, which happens pretty much every Tuesday night at our Brownie meetings. I try to love them, and to be very loving when I have to discipline.

There are times that it is hard for me to really respect my husband. I have to stop and remember that God calls me to do so whether I feel he deserves it or not! When he’s been out on the truck for a couple of weeks, I have so many little chores I need done around the house! I try not to bombard him with them. I try not to whine about how the kids dumped out all the puzzles, and then cried because I told them to pick them up. I want him to feel like his home is a refuge, a place to relax. I want him to want to come home to his family.

When I’m having a difficult time loving my husband and my children because they have made me so furious that I can finally take no more (okay, so I obviously lack patience!), I find myself calling out to God for help. I depend on Him. He always listens. He promised to be there for me always. So I tell Him all my troubles, and I believe that He hears me.

I have started to try and view things from an eternal perspective. I may not remember my deeds (good or bad) once I get to the pearly gates, but I am sure they must be written down in a book somewhere. Will they matter in eternity? Will they be remembered when I pass from this life to the next?

A couple of times, my pastor’s wife has told me, smiling, “I see one more jewel in your crown!” when I’m trying to soothe a fussy toddler in the nursery or helping serve dinner after a funeral to a grieving family. I love to help whenever I can. It’s just who I am. I don’t expect a reward for it! But I do admith that just the thought of someday wearing a crown in heaven with big, beautiful jewels in it makes me smile (hey, what girl doesn't love jewelry!)! I told her once that I’d like emeralds and rubies, please! She laughed and said, “He knows the desires of your heart, and He wants to give them all to you!”

Wow. How amazing is that. Someone wants to give me everything I have ever wanted, and more! It’s truly incredible to me.

Wow. I'm a minivan-driving soccer mom

Yesterday, I came to a realization. It was like it suddenly occurred to me that I've turned into someone I never really thought I'd be.

I guess I never thought I'd drive a minivan or have a child playing soccer. I remember thinking that I'd never be anything but skinny. I thought my hair would always be strawberry blonde, and I'd never get those little lines around my eyes. I guess I must have thought I'd be (or look like I was) seventeen forever.

But here I am!! And I don't think I've ever been happier in my entire life.
I do still miss that old Camaro (my first car) sometimes though... I remember feeling like I could turn the boys' heads...

My oh my, how the times have changed. Sometimes I wonder if I'd ever turn another head (not that I really want to turn any except my hubby's!). I wonder if I'll ever get back into a size seven. I wonder if there's a hair color in a bottle that matches the color I used to have.

Oh, to be a teenager again!! :)

To make it even funnier... Mike said the other day that he wants to buy me a Camaro 'cause he thinks I'd be cute driving one. Sometimes I just wanna squeeze that man... :)

What a week it's been!

So… it’s been an interesting week.

I babysat a friend’s kids Mon, Tues & Wed afternoons… They’re good kids & no trouble at all, except that they want to eat constantly. LOL… but they’re fun. I think my girls enjoyed having 2 other girls to play with!

Wednesday was Valentine’s Day, not that anyone around here noticed. Delaney took her valentines to school and had a school party. And we went to church as usual on Wednesday night. Mike called during the day to tell me happy Valentine’s Day. No flowers, no card, nothing else. Just a phone call. This is my usual gift for just about every holiday, birthday, anniversary. *sigh* I just wish these things mattered to him. I truly do like to be spoiled, but he is so not a spoiler at all. I should be used to it after 8 ½ years of marriage, but it still kind of hurts my feelings.

Thursday I was sick. I mean, sick. When I woke up, I could hardly move. Everything hurt. I think my toenails were in pain. I had the chills so bad that my teeth chattered. I believe it’s the flu. Thank goodness for my mom—she came and got the girls and kept them until tonight. She had me call the doctor yesterday & ask for Tamiflu, and promptly picked it up at the pharmacy and delivered it to me. My entire day was spent on the couch. I tossed and turned, moaned and groaned… there was just no way to be comfortable. I think it was more painful than childbirth. Perhaps I have forgotten what childbirth truly feels like. ;)

I actually feel human today. I think I might survive. My girls are back at home… both are sleeping soundly in their beds.

I still don’t know yet if my dear husband will be home for the weekend (yeah, the same one who doesn’t think Valentine’s Day is important if you want to stay married)… He’s been out for 2 weeks already. I’m starting to think he has a death wish. Or perhaps a divorce wish.

Anyhow… that’s my exciting week… I hope everyone else out there has had a better week than me! I'm sort of glad it's the weekend... :)

It's a Brand New Day--Thank You, Lord!

Whew! Thank the Lord today is a brand new day, and I have this chance to try again to make things right... After the day I had yesterday, I am very thankful that I woke up this morning. :)

We've got snow... plenty of it, in my opinion! It's absolutely covered the streets and made driving anywhere out of the question. There is no school today, so I have two kids at home today instead of one... So, say a prayer for me today... Delaney likes to spend all day making Jenna scream, so I've got the Tylenol and the spanking spoon ready, just in case... But I have hope!! I hope that today will be different! I plan to lay out the expectations ahead of time, in hopes that the girls both will listen and understand...

Tomorrow, Delaney's school is supposed to go on a field trip to Tulsa. I don't see that happening at this point... And if it does, I think she won't be going because I'm pretty positive I don't want her in a bus going a hundred miles away on a snow-covered highway... Call me a worry-wort or a party-pooper or whatever, but I'd rather keep my kids safe... :)

Dear Heavenly Father... Thank you, Lord, for this brand new day... for one more chance to really make things right... Thank you, Lord, for sending your Son to die in my place, so that I would have a chance to live with you for eternity. Oh, what a glorious day it will be! Sometimes I can hardly wait! But I know that your timing is perfect! I ask you to put a hedge of protection around my husbandand kep hi out of harm's way... I ask you, Lord, to bless our family and every person reading this today in such a way that we cannot even imagine. Bind my mind to the mind of Christ, so that You alone--not myself--would be in control of m thoughts and my actions today, Lord. I ask you for your grace today, Father... in a heaping measure. Help me to parent my children with grace and understanding, as I will need to be both mother and father today with Your help.. And please keep the devil at bay. I take authority over Satan, and I command him out of my presence this day!! In Jesus's precious name I pray, Amen.

Someone please pass the Prozac

This may just need to be completely ignored... just in case anyone seriously thinks I might commit murder. I think I am going to have to pray EXTRA long and hard tonight. I need forgiveness for the thoughts I've been thinking today, but you may soon understand the reasons behind them....

My mother-in-law is back at her old tricks again. She is driving me insane. She's so wishy-washy about things that I don't know when to believe her!! I mean... the woman has changed her mind so many times that I'm not sure she has a clue which direction she's headed.

She told my hubby that she wanted to buy our pickup. Then she doesn't, then she does. (Some of you may remember my previous post on the subject.) So I sat it out by the street corner with a "for sale" sign in the window because we HAVE to sell it. That was yesterday morning.

This afternoon, she calls my hubby (she never calls me, but no love lost there!). She proceeds to gripe him out that HER truck has a for sale sign in the window. So, Mike calls me and instructs me to take the sign out of the window. RIGHT NOW!

EXCUSE ME, LADY (if that's even an appropriate term)!! You have not paid a dime for the thing!!

And, furthermore... if you went out of your way to spy on me, why didn't you stop to say hello to your grandchildren?

She's looney, I tell you! I am SOOO ready for this to be over. Sometimes it actually gives me pains--physical pains!!--to think that my children are related to this family. Look out, Vinita... we're on the way!! (Ok, so that's an inside joke we use here--there's a big mental facility in Vinita, OK.)

Is there any state in which murder is legal? Just askin'... you know, for future reference. It might be fun to take MIL on a nice vacation sometime.

Why can't he take my side just once? Why doesn't he defend me? She says "jump", and he gets started right away. I say "jump", and he just looks at me sideways. I am sick to death of coming in line behind someone who is so obviously off her rocker!!

Ugh. Somebody please pass the Prozac. The entire bottle--don't be stingy! I'm flipping out over here!!

P.S. You should know that I considered not clicking the button to post this message. But I have to get this out of my system, and it's not nearly as effective if I write the whole thing and delete it... I really am not psychotic. lol

Oh the weather outside is frightful...

So... it sleeted all day long. The streets look like a big slushy mess... we've been watching people slide around on the street outside out front window. Thing is, it's all going to freeze overnight. That should make a nice mess for people to drive around in!

There are people just down the road from us who haven't had any power since last Saturday. Can you imagine? No electricity for an enire week! We bought firewood from a couple who has been without any power since Saturday--a whole week now. They do have a generator and a wood stove... so thank goodness they're okay. I tend to be a worry-wort when it comes to things like that.

I'm thankful tonight for electricity... for wood to burn in the fireplace... for children who didn't complain about their supper tonight--they ate, took their baths and went to bed without a fight, almost like little angels... I'm thankful for so many things. There are so many who literally have nothing. I have so much. I am very blessed.

So frustrated by money (or lack threof)

And it's especially frustrating when you don't have any! It feels like we're robbing Peter to pay Paul right now, and for the past few weeks... I just pray that Mike's work picks up so that we'll be able to keep our bills paid... Right now, everything is behind. Everything. I've had a hard time admitting this to myself... and I feel like I am stripping myself bare right here for everyone to see. It's also forced me to talk to my husband about how much money we owe--and to whom. I know that everything happens for a reason, so maybe that's the reason.

I am just so frustrated, and I'm trying really hard to not let this get me down. I believe that the money will come just in time, and that it will be enough to keep us from financial ruin... it's just so hard to keep the faith when we're going through this kind of a trying time...

Mike's check comes by mail weekly. It should have been here today, and it was not in the mail. Mike had to call the office & ask for an advance on his pay so that we can fix the broken windshield in the Peterbilt. That kinda makes you swallow your pride. I have to pay our gas & electric bills by Monday, and all our major payments (house, both vehicles & Pete) are behind... I hate this feeling. I don't like to owe anyone money. I can only pray that we're able to recover quickly, and that we have learned from our mistakes. This time it was not our mistake that got us into trouble though... it's the fact that Mike's work has been so slow. He was off work 3 weeks in Dec/Jan, and he has only worked about 10 days since that... It just feels like there is no end in sight. It hurts, and I find myself really fighting depression once again.

I have so much to thank God for though... I have stored food in our pantry & freezer, so that we have plenty to eat. We have fire wood, so we will stay warm. I have bought "supplies" in advance (like soap, deodorant & toilet paper)... so I know we will be ok. We're not going to starve or freeze. That's a comfort, at least... and I thank God for giving me the foresight to plan for such times.

I don't mean to get anybody else down... I just needed to vent it out! If you've read it.... thanks for "listening".

No Time to Breathe

My hubby has been home for a couple of days.. I'm glad he's here and not out driving on the ice, but he starts to get on my nerves after a few days... lol! Being at home together 24/7 is much different from what we're used to, as he is usually out on the truck while I'm at home with our girls.

Tuesday night, he found out that his mom's electricity had been off for 4 days due to the recent ice storm. So yesterday he went all over town looking for a generator for her. They finally got one at our little local hardware store. Of course when she got back home, her electricity was back on. It was off for FOUR days, and I'm surprised she didn't try to do anything about it before then. She and grandma (her mom) came to our house to take a shower yesterday. We live in town, and we haven't been out of electricity except for the hour on Sunday night.
I think I'll change the subject before I go into a mother-in-law rant... 'cause I think I could go on for days. (insert rolling eyes here! lol)

My dear husband just went out to help his mom unload the generator out of the back of her pickup... so this is the first time I've been able to sit at the computer for more than 5 minutes since he got home on Tuesday night. When he's at home, I feel like all I do is cook and clean and do load after load of laundry!! Last night it was about 8:15, and I had just gotten both kids in bed (by myself--he doesn't usually help!). I went to sit down in my rocking chair, and he looked at me... So I snapped at him, "Is it not okay with you if I sit down for just 5 minutes!?" Gracious. I entertained his family for at least 2 hours, cooked 3 meals, and I must have washed/dried/folded at least 4 loads of laundry! I was ready for a rest!!

He didn't say anything. Lucky for him 'cause I might have smacked him. I was really tired. I don't think he realizes that this is what I do every.single.day. My entire life is centered around raising his children and keeping his house clean!! I know I am very blessed to be able to stay at home with the kids, and I'm glad I can. But sometimes I feel like I don't have a life outside my own front door.

Wow. I think I'm shocked at myself for even saying it. I am supposed to be joyful about taking care of my family and my home... why does that come so hard sometimes?

My First Car

I have been missing my first car lately... not sure why. Maybe because I was emotionally attached to it! LOL!

My first car was a 1979 Camaro. It was bright red orange. The first time I saw it, it was full of hail dents and had a bad motor. It became our "family" car when I was 13, and it was instant love for me.

The summer before I turned 16 was spent in the shop with my dad. We worked every night, buiding an engine for the Camaro. I also helped him and his friend do the body work and paint it. I don't think I've ever been so proud of anything in my life (up til I had my kids, at least!).

The morning of my 16th birthday, my mom handed me the keys. WOW! I was actually on my own. I had to take my little brother to school, of course, but I was the "grownup" in the car. lol

My birthday was during the week of our football homecoming, and the traditional bonfire was on my birthday. I brought home about 8 kids from the bonfire. lol... My mom had cake for everyone, too.

Two nights later, I had a guy in my car... he dared me to see how fast it would go. We only got to 115 when he asked me to slow down. Hee hee... I think I scared him! He was cute--a football player, and a huge guy. I ended up dating him briefly a couple of years later.

My Camaro and I cruised the highway of my small hometown, night after night... I met a lot of boys because of my car. It was so pretty.

I had my Camaro for a few years... When I went to college, I traded it for a newer Firebird with t-tops. I wished for my Camaro back because I had a constant sunburn. lol!

I chased a lot of boys in that car, and I drove it a lot of miles. It was probably the best car I ever owned. Especially since I now drive a minivan with a $465 payment. Ugh. Guess I grew up.

Wanna hear something really funny? My hubby said the other day, "You would be so cute in a Camaro. I think we should buy you one this summer." :D Music to my ears...

10 Things About Me

10 Things About Me

1. I love peanut butter. I think I could eat a whole jar. I love it on waffles or pancakes, in a sandwich, mixed with syrup, or just on a spoon. I just love the stuff!

2. I was engaged twice before I met my husband. Once was when I was a teenager, and it was truly out of stupidity. Second time I was truly in love, but he wanted different things out of life than I did--and he was older and ready to get on with life faster than I was!

3. Every month, I worry about how we're going to pay our bills. This time of year is the worst... it also seems to be when everything "blows up" at once! Ugh. There is only $4 in our savings account right now!

4. I do not hate people who are gay/lesbian. I simply do not agree with their lifestyle.

5. I like ketchup on my scrambled eggs.

6. I love brownies. I could eat a whole pan! This is why we rarely have brownies in our house.

7. I have always dreamed of having a big house. Thanks to God and my husband, that dream has come true! It's not gigantic by any means, but it's twice the size of the mobile home we lived in before we moved in!

8. I only have one sibling. My brother is 3 1/2 years younger than me. I have always wished I had a sister. I tell my little girls all the time how blessed they are to have each other!

9. In high school, I wore a size 7. I also wore Wranglers and boots almost every day. These days, I find myself thanking God for the inventor of stretchy pants. LOL

10. I am really frustrated with my husband's job. I think truck drivers often get the "short end of the stick", plus this time of year is really slow for cattle (he hauls cattle). If things don't pick up, I am going to scream. I love having him home, but he's not making a dime when he's snoring on the couch... I am thinking of trying to learn how to broker loads myself out of the house. That would keep me at home, and it would keep some money coming in... Plus he could do it when he's home because he would LOVE it. If we made enough money at it, he might quit driving & stay home with me... We've talked about buying more trucks, but we we can't afford the one we have at the moment--it's been in the shop too much lately!! (So... whoever may be reading this, please just send up a little prayer that our finances would improve very soon.)

Things kids say

Delaney received a scrapbook kit for Christmas from her aunt & uncle. She's been looking it over, trimming down the papers with her fancy-edge scissors... Today she came into the living room, where I was trying to pick up the remnants of Christmas, to ask me something... "Mom, sometime when you have clothes on, I need to take a picture of you to put in my scrapbook. And Daddy too, when he gets back home."

Hmmm... maybe I should reconsider my usual household attire of pajamas. Does she think that I never get dressed? LOL! It just cracked me up, so I wanted to share the laugh.

I'd drive all night (or all day, in our case!) Ugh!

My husband has driven me (or should I say that *I* have driven him) all around the country today... and he's tried to drive me crazy as well. lol

First we had to go to Big Cabin, OK (which is north of Pryor) to pick up our Peterbilt... It's been in the shop since Saturday, but it's finally fixed! Yea! Only $440 later, thank goodness--I was worried since it's been there so long!! Good thing Trace (our CAT certified mechanic) loves us so much. You know you've got it bad when you intentionally buy a truck with a CAT engine because you can't imagine going to a different mechanic!!

Next he decided we needed to go to Joplin Peterbilt to get a part for the sleeper. So I told him HE has to drive up there. I am now sorry because I thought I was going to wet my pants on the way. He drives like a maniac, and he has only driven the van once in the year since we bought it! Needless to say, I took over the driving as soon as he (finally!) stopped at the Peterbilt dealership in Joplin.
On the way there, Delaney informs us that we need to turn around because it's past her bedtime. It was only 6:15. "But it's already dark!" she says... Well, she managed to stay awake until we got about halfway home. And she jabbered constantly until she was asleep.

On the way home, we stopped for ice cream at Dairy Queen in Bella Vista... I haven't had DQ in a LONG time. It was heavenly... especially after a long day of driving, and using nearly an entire tank of gas in one day!

Whew! I think I'm ready for bed! (Too bad I'm not ready for Christmas!)

One more? or stop at two?

Well... Mike is home. He was gone for 3 weeks! He's been home since Saturday night, and it seems he can't stay awake unless he's behind the wheel of a big rig. Ugh. He's snoring on the couch as I type this entry.

So... this morning Mike says, "I think we should try one more time for a boy." I think it confused me. I thought we were finished. I have even considered having my tubes tied. I have gotten rid of a lot of things, thinking we were done. There is no way we can pay for another baby. We're still having a hard enough time making the payments on the hospital bill from when we had Jenna!!

Mike lost his sister as a young adult, and now he is the only child left. This thought enters my mind often... what if something happened to one of my girls? I could never replace them, but I would be left with only one child. Is it fair to my kids for them to each have only one sibling? Would one more be better? Would three be enough, or would we decide after the 3rd that we need an even number? We just bought a 3-bedroom house, and all 3 bedrooms are occupied!

I think I'm just confused! I thought I was finished having babies, and now I have all these thoughts floating in my head again. It hurts to think that my little baby is already 20 months old. She's still so small and sweet, but I can hear the terrible twos creeping in once in a while.

Delaney has even gone so far as to ask if, "next time" we could have a brother? Oh boy... I am not ready to have any kind of conversation with her about how babies get here, and she only knows that God put Jenna in my tummy! I worry that number three will put those same questions back out there again... and this time, I don't know how I would answer them. She's a bit older now, and she's so darn smart.

I'm thinking we could just do it and tell my parents it was an accident. Ha ha... I'm not sure they would get excited about another one. But they know our finances are pretty tight already.

And I know I don't want to work until my kids are in school, so that would push that date back a bit farther also. I have considered going back to work, but daycare for Jenna would eat up my paycheck pretty fast. She still needs her mommy, and she will probably go to preschool when she's 3 or 4.

But there is this thing going inside of me (like the wheels are turning in my brain)... if we do have another one, we should do it soon. Delaney & Jenna are 4 1/2 years apart. I would like them to be just a little closer together in age... And then, I am not getting any younger either! (Darn laugh lines!)

I feel a little better now... I really needed to vent!

Frustrated

Tonight I find myself frustrated. Several things have just stacked up through the day that have brought me to this point.

This morning I thought everything was going to be okay when Delaney decided to go without socks instead of wearing the ones that totally clashed with her outfit. Then she stepped on her skirt & it came down around her ankles. I tried REALLY hard not to laugh, but I could not contain myself! Poor kid. You know it's bad when your own mom laughs at you! I made her change to a different skirt.

I wento to 3 different places before I found a cake I thought to be suitable for the baby shower that my MM group is having tomorrow at my house. I suddenly remembered this fact around noon, and started to frantically pick up the clutter that has attacked my kitchen counters and table! It's mostly done. Now I just need to stay up til 3 am so that I can finish vacuuming and mopping and cleaning bathrooms...

Then I told Delaney she HAS to make her bed in the morning. She was not happy. Such is life, and seems to be normal around here these days. Delaney seems to be unhappy a lot lately. Nothing goes her way, and she is beginning to revert to temper tantrums. I've reverted back to my old ways of using my wooden spoon.

Delaney got a demerit at school today for talking out loud when it was supposed to be quiet. There goes her reward for the week.

Tomorrow night she is going to a birthday party for her friend Emily. It is a sleepover. I am becoming concerned for the safety and well-being (and possibly the sanity!) of this child's parents. ;) I'm sure they will have a great time, and she won't be too far from home in case I have to go and pick her up...

We went over to my parents' house to help my dad put lights on their tractor (it's a tradition--it's done every year at Christmas!). We got most of it done, then had pizza... My mom gave both girls a bath, which I though was nice--until she yelled at Delaney. Then Delaney started playing with their new puppy... Molly (puppy) bit Delaney's hand, and Delaney dropped her on the floor. My dad decided at that point that yelling at my child was a good idea. I decided that it was a very good time to get the heck outta there! Ugh. I am so frustrated with my dad. Stressed and tired or not, they should not be yelling at my children (that's my job! just kidding!)! I told my mom that while she was saying bye to the kids (they were in the car), and she acted like she had to hurry up and get back in the house. That's how my night has ended up--with me upset with my parents. Ugh. I hope someone will just read this and say a prayer for me.