Surrender--what does it mean?

This past month has been hard on me... First, I had Jenna to the doctor twice and spent $300 on doctor office visits and prescriptions! This week, I had Delaney at home for two days with a stomach bug.

All the while, we're still feeling the extreme financial stress. I have feared losing our house for several months.

Last Sunday night, I went to the altar to have some of our prayer team pray over Jenna for healing of her skin infection. They annointed her forehead with oil and layed hands on her and prayed for healing in her body. When she was finished, she decided it would be fun to run up and down the aisles of the sanctuary, lol... But the ladies who had prayed for Jenna started to pray for me. I heard diffeent prayers from different ones--one saying she sensed how tired I was, and asked for rest. Another smiled big at me and whispered in my ear, "The Lord gave me a word for you. It's one word. The word is 'surrender'."

Surrender. What does that word really mean? I picture myself waving a white flag.

I looked up the meaning of the word... here is what dictionary.com says:

sur·ren·der
–verb (used with object)
1. to yield (something) to the possession or power of another; deliver up possession of on demand or under duress: to surrender the fort to the enemy; to surrender the stolen goods to the police.
2. to give (oneself) up, as to the police.
3. to give (oneself) up to some influence, course, emotion, etc.: He surrendered himself to a life of hardship.
4. to give up, abandon, or relinquish (comfort, hope, etc.).
5. to yield or resign (an office, privilege, etc.) in favor of another. –verb (used without object)
6. to give oneself up, as into the power of another; submit or yield. –noun
7. the act or an instance of surrendering.
8. Insurance. the voluntary abandonment of a life-insurance policy by the owner for any of its nonforfeiture values.
9. the deed by which a legal surrendering is made.

Synonyms for the word "surrender" include the following:

abandonment, abdication, acquiescence, appeasement, capitulation, cessation, dedition, delivery, giving way, relenting, relinquishment, renunciation, resignation, submission, succumbing, white flag*, yielding

I have a feeling that this "surrender" has everything to do with the circumstances in my life right now. I am dependent on Mike to bring home our income. I constantly fight worrying about him, his job, the truck, our kids, our house, how we will make our next month's payments, and on and on... I can let myself become very stressed over all of these things in a matter of minutes.

I have a feeling that this "surrender" is supposed to be me turning over everything to God. I am supposed to give it all to Him. Put it all in His hands. I am to trust Him. Trust. That's a big thing for me because I don't just trust. I am stepping out on the water, but I don't feel like I have the faith that Peter did when he stepped out of that boat. He had his eyes on Jesus. He had complete faith and trust in Him. I allow my eyes to become so focused on so many things--things that are not Jesus--that I forget to trust Him.

Lord, I pray that you will help me to learn to put my complete trust in you. Help me to let go of the other things I put my focus on so that I may focus on You alone. I believe that you want to help me. I believe that you want to bless me, as in my dream. I believe Your Word says that you have a plan for me, a plan to prosper me and not to harm me. You have promised me in Your Word that you would never leave me or forsake me. You promised to take care of all of my needs according to Your riches in Glory in Christ Jesus! Father, help me now to stand on those promises and to believe them with all my heart. Help me to keep my eye on the "prize" that is Heaven--not the things of this earth! For I know that the earth will pass away, but I will soon live in glory with you forever in Heaven! Thank you for your promises, Lord. Father, I'm sorry for the mistakes I have made in the past. Please help me to learn from them and not to repeat them. Bind my mind to the mind of Christ so that I might have knowledge to do Your will. Bind my tongue to Your tongue so that I might speak the right words. Lord, I surrender to Your will for my life. I give you my worries. I give you all my concerns. Father, you know my needs. You know them better than I do. I believe that You will take care of my needs! I put my trust in You alone, Lord. I give you praise and glory, for you are the Creator of all things, you are the all-knowing God, and you alone are my strength. My hope is in You all day long! Thank you, Lord! In the name of Jesus, Amen.