My Plan vs. God's Plan~Patience and Trust

You know... no matter what i plan for, it seems that something happens to mess it up. It's becoming obvious to me that the Lord has something for me that I can't see yet!

Mike informed me on Monday that he is ready to sell our Peterbilt. It's now been listed for sale. I e-mailed pictures to the salesman on Monday evening.

I have no idea what life has in store for us when or if the truck sells. Mike said that maybe we can get something cheap that we can pay off quicker so that he won't have to be gone so much... OR maybe he can get a good job here at home.

Do you know that I have not had my husband at home for more than a couple of weeks at a time in seven and a half years? That's a long time to sleep by yourself and wonder where your husband is and if he's ok!

Do you have any idea how difficult this is for me? I have NO idea where he will work. I don't know if he will have a job. I don't know if the truck will sell or when.

I am not the kind of girl who likes surprises. If I could ask God for an itinerary for my life, I would definitely have it in my hands, memorizing every single entry! I want to know what is going to happen and when it's going to happen. I need to know now. I don't like to wait. I've never been accused of being patient.

The fear of the unknown is really taking over my life right now in more areas than one. But then, I suppose that we never really know if we'll even wake up tomorrow.

I met a lady a couple of weeks ago that works in a furniture store part-time. Her name is Linda. Something about her really stuck with me. I feel very drawn to her, and I know that God put her in my path for a reason. Perhaps it was to teach me a lesson. She is really sweet and friendly, and somehow she and Mike got on the subject of trucking. Her husband was a trucker, and he owned a company for 25 years. Last year, they crawled in bed to go to sleep... but when she woke up in the morning, her husband was dead. My heart ached for her! I knew that I could be in her shoes one day. We truly never know what lies ahead for us.

She said she wished she had known he it was his time, but Mike disagreed with her. He told her about how awful it was to watch his dad die slowly, over the period of three years. He talked about how he lost the use of his legs, and then the pain-killing drugs took over his mind to the point that he was no longer himself. Mike said that he didn't want to know when it's his time--he didn't want to go slow, but rather all at once because he thought it would be easier for everyone.

We all have our own opinions about what is best. And of course, we all think we know what's best because, after all, don't we know ourselves better than anyone? Sometimes I think I need to tell God what I need, what I want. But HE knows better than I do what I need, so who am I to try and tell Him? Trusting has never been easy for me--it seems like I always trust the wrong person at the wrong time or for the wrong reasons. But right now, with all that is going on in my life, I feel like God is telling me to surrender it all to Him. Only HE can work out for the best. I can't control this! I can't control any of it. It's far beyond what I can handle alone. I have no choice but to trust Him.

What reason do I have to fear? God said in His Word that He has not given me a spirit of fear, but of sound mind! He also promised in His Word that He will never leave me nor forsake me, and that my children will not beg for bread. That tells me that He will provide for the needs of my family. I am going to take Him at His word because I have to trust that His Word is truth!

My mind is full of all kinds of questions about all sorts of things, and my heart knows that they will be answered in God's time... but that doesn't make the wait any easier.