I am so frustrated--A VENT about church & my parents

I just need to vent. So, please don’t take anything personally that you are about to read. I am just REALLY MAD, and I need to get it out of my system before I scream.

On Sunday nights at our church, we don’t have nursery or kids classes. The kids go into the regular church service.

My kids are 6 and 2. They are not adults, and I really don’t expect them to act like such. Normally we don’t go to Sunday night service because they are kids, and the just can’t be quiet or still. Tonight was no different, as I decided to try it again. I think it was a mistake.

Things were fine for the first few minutes. We were singing… Delaney sang along, and Jenna clapped her hands.

As soon as the pastor started preaching his message, my sweet children turned into little heathens. Jenna ate her snack and drank her juice pretty quick, then started playing with her baby doll… Delaney decided to start taking things away from her, and Jenna screamed--several times. Ugh.

And here’s the best part… My parents were sitting right next to the kids too, and my dad looks over at me with his evil eye. I don’t know exactly what he expected me to do, but it made me feel about 2 inches tall. I HATE that feeling. It’s how he’s made me feel my entire life--like I don’t have a handle on anything.

My parents are those people who expected miracles from me, but got nothing they expected. I am merely a housewife who didn’t finish college. I married a man who became a truck driver. They seem to dislike everything about my life, who I am and what I do. Whether they actually think that, I have no clue… but it’s certainly how they make me feel. They’re always telling me what a wonderful job my brother has and how much money he makes and how wonderful things are at their house. It’s like they’re comparing us all the time, and I NEVER measure up. Never. I try SO hard to let it all go, but it only makes me more jealous. And then they wonder why I feel that way.

These are the same parents who say that my kids really need to learn how to act in church, and that they won’t learn if I don’t bring them… and yet they want to complain about the way they act when I do bring them. See? I absolutely cannot win, even if I try!

Anyhow… when the church service was over, I packed up the girls’ stuff, and we darted out to the van. I hardly said a word to anyone. I just wanted to crawl under a pew and hide, honestly. I was just ready to get out of there.

And now I get an e-mail from my mom, saying she wants Delaney to spend the night one night this week… she said some one-on-one time might be good for her. It’s so lovely of her to suggest in her “subtle” way that I’m not spending enough time with Delaney. Don’t ya think? Grrr…

I am so tired of my parents telling me that I NEED a husband and my kids NEED a dad. We have one. It just happens that he works all the time and isn’t home. I don’t have the dream life, and they have a problem with it. IT IS NOT MY FAULT!!! None of it is my fault. So, why do I feel like it’s all my fault?

I feel so frustrated and angry right now that I can’t even answer my mom’s e-mail! I can’t call either--I’m so worried that if I call them I’ll just tell them off. I don’t want to go that route. So I suppose I’ll just sweep it under the rug and pretend that it never happened. Just like the last two hundred and fifty-seven times this sort of thing has happened. :(